dailys.

brief stopover

2008-08-24T03:35:00.004+08:00

yep, just gon be here to announce my new LJ add then i'm gonna scoot off to update in LJ again. yesyes, i realised i am damn bloody contradictin. i moved cos i dont want ppl to read but now i am openly sayin my new add again -.- i guess some things just nv change =DD

it's cos ppl like the nigger *ahem* totally doesnt knoe my new 'location', damn~ nice. hahaa! i'm LJ-ing now cos can categorized certain entries as private so i can like restrict the readers of my entry, so i feel better than way, just to satisfy my anal nature. also, the jap fans are more active at the LJ side and it is DEFINITELY more convenient, i totally cant live without my LJ communities now. hehee! tho i'd say it's so much easier postin pics on blog..

and berlinies, zee totally knoe how to access my private entry, ask her! if she doesnt rmb.. err.. i will try to rmb. hahaa! BINTAN SOOON!

after all that crap.. DOUZOU!

cigarettebutts.livejournal.com

adieu

2008-06-30T03:12:00.002+08:00

i.. kinda moved =DDD movin, moved, whatever, it is somewhat similar. hoho. which is also why there is a sudden lack of entries here. i've been postin diligently to a new lj acct, cos the old one's friends list's a total mess and it's bein used as an 'open' acct for friends with no accts to view my current lj, how convenient. lol.
it's understandable since most of my friends have lj and are postin at lj.. so, might as well, it is so on the way =DD

evrytime i do a move, it is a simple sign of me bein anal and not wantin ppl to read secretly. of cos there are ppl i knoe who read 'secretly' basically, they dont tag. lol. hahaa! ppl like.. *cough* potato *cough* ms. noodles *cough* LOL! if i were b, i'd say, tag first then i'l give you the new user. hehee! altho i am damn sure, with potato's ability, she can TOTALLY find my new lj, sure cant underestimate her. hahaa! but since i am not b, i dont post unglam pics of you or whatsoever but you can get the user from b, cos i just told her a few hours ago. yes, not too long ago cos i was happily only writin for my friends who are ljusers. hehee!
i am like some freekid who posts and posts. not gd, i am supposed to be studyin damn it! grrhhhh!'

every meetin has to come to an end

2008-06-21T00:02:00.007+08:00

as it was for this event. i did manage to snap some pics in the last day and a few in the lil india day. i shud have taken more durin the mustafa times cos that was really hilarious and thats what made me kinda attached to them x'((

the pics are in random orders:

mr jeffrey mcclure & mr jason henderson] roamin ard lil india's provision stores, all these ppl.. whatever they can get their hands on goes to their noses. they are chefs so i guess smellin the stuffs becomes a habit..

me&blondie] here you go, my fav. blonde =DDD

masterpiece]

MR JEFFREY ANDERSON!!!!] he rocks man! he is like some kid alws wanderin ard but somehow he is alws able to WANDER back to join us. i said wander cos he'd alws look lost walkin back. he's a really really sweet and funny guy. we went to mustafa and he did an indian accent IN FRONT of the indian cashier, we were so scared the cashier'd kill us or sth and he started sufferin from 'claustrophobia'. hahaa! he also found this sign that warns the staff not to chuck empty cartons at the particular spot BUT at the same spot there was a rack for empty cartons -.- lets assume there was a typo. lets just say we just had SO much fun at mustafa. hahaa! OH! and the way he flags cab. OMG! he sure is desperate to get one. hahaa!

mr jesus lobo & mr ken jenner] i think mr jenner's cute! hahaa! and he is uber nice as well, i was talkin to him abt how the neighbourhoods in singapore are like and how we think an one hour journey's considered terrible for locals here. lol.
they were supposed to cook satay sauce at the TCA that day and i was their 'sous chef' it was so fun workin with him and mr suman roy. mr roy looked damn pro, well he is a big-time chef anyhow and cos he is indian he is kinda gd with it =DD anw like i was sayin.. mr jenner's so nice he was tastin the sauce and he made me try it also and it was so nice cos he actually trusted me to try it whn he is somewhat a chef himself xDDD

mr jeff anderson & mrs jean lee] mrs lee was one of those in lil india and she is sucha nice lady, i totally enjoyed myself tellin her all the trivias that i knew abt the indian culture in singapore..

mr suman roy] he rocks! he is super loud and funny! he's a really gd chef cos he is an indian so he is in touch with the spices and he is currently located in canada so he kinda has the best of both world? he is totally fun! like some pimp. hahaa!

mrs deborah grossman] she is really like the old auntie but the v sweet kind. at first i thot she was like kinda unfriendly but it turned out that twas cos she is kinda hard of hearin so if she cant hear me, she definitely cant react to me. hahaha! she was so sweet, i really cant find another word for it.. she was part of the lil india grp and she was one of the first to rmb my name. niceee! she totally loved souvenirs and she managed to get a few nice souvenirs for her son-in-law and herself.

prize presentation]

gutou & mr christopher ivens-brown] doesnt she just look traumatised? hahaa!

potato, mr brown & me!] he is super nice, he is like the mood-maker and like playboy-like. blondie's his scandal. hahaa!

mr jose sainz] IF i didnt get his name wrong. he is the v obvious mexican cos of his accent but he is not that difficult to understand so i guess it is ok =))

mr jason henderson] he sure is one stubborn person, thats what makes him unbearable but we kinda think he is cute. hahaa! i guess he is just too determined and persistent, v one-sided. other than that he is ok!

mr richard vernon aka mr noodles & mr paul carr (i think?)] mr noodles' permanent sous chef is like gutou. hahaa! dont they just match? lol. he is a sweet guy as in v soft-spoken, gentle and well-mannered. like he'd be quiet, i dont even think he socialises much. v kept-back and evn whn he speaks to us, he is SOFT! and he says thank-you in a soft voice as well.. how demure's that? =)))

mr jeff AGAIN! =DD] yes, he gave us a hug before they left ras. saddenin! =(((

blondie] i didnt knoe what was she doin and i was thinkin whn has she become a stick -face-to-face-camwhore. it was only after i took the pic that i realised she was posin like this..

gerri] this is gerri and she reminds me of zee, she is v sweet and funny as well. the only incident i rmb of her was whn we were bitchin abt this irritatin biatch! hahaa!

ms michelle moran] she is super friendly to us, esp potato!

sous chef & chef] this is potato and her chef ms moran!

practice

2008-06-15T02:37:00.002+08:00

boku wa, netsu to shikki o, hontou suki ja nai!
dakara zettai iraira suru
ima shuui no shikki, hyaku-ju paasento no you na.

afureru zannen maru ichinichi gakkari shita
ippou dewa ki onetchuu shite iru de,
mou ippou dewa minna to zenbu ni unzarisuru da.

i'm just tryin to prac so evn if you think my grammatical structure's screwed, let it alone

when they say read between the lines, mayb they really meant it..

2008-06-14T22:29:00.004+08:00

playground
smile
curves
lines
teeth
stain
forced contentment
hair
black
grey
hands
open
barricade
hidden
shiro tshiatsu
crumble
believe not
motivated not
ekubo daisuki desu

when you decide to be stupid, this is what happens

2008-06-14T01:00:00.001+08:00

Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN-the-Bottle



		I will marry Nishikido Ryo.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Osaka in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 9 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a white Sports.
		I will spend my days as a Housewife, and live happily ever after.

THE performance

2008-06-11T05:11:00.002+08:00

with a lil fangirl-ing on some gayness. anw they held hands at one point cos the lyrics goes, 'do not let go of my hand'

so.. what's your take on smokin?

2008-06-10T21:08:00.002+08:00

met up with one of my friend for a short while recently.. yes, amidst my crazy proj schedule, and now i am takin up another job, tell me abt it. anw, yes, us bein us we decided to stay cooped in some cafe and chill. alot of topics came up within that short 3hours. it's definitely been some time since we last met up and lots of catchin up's definitely inevitable. i simply couldnt stop bein amazed at how much ~~we've~~ she's grown, in no time, we will be enterin the society.

somehow we got to the topic of smokin. yesyes, that babe knoes what i do and dont. so we started discussin abt why ppl smoke these days. of cos i am not gon scream SMOKIN IS BAD! neither do i think it is good. i just think too much of anythg is bad. with that i dont mean anybod shud attempt drug. hahaa! comin to think of it, i think half of my friends smoke and it is definitely sad that one or two of them smoke cos they think it is cool and they totally dont enjoy doin it, so why bother?

of cos, i have friends who succumb to stress and end up lightin up. and these ppl are usually the ones who totally give me a shock cos i alws end up catchin them in the act and i dont knoe why it kinda hurts sometimes cos i alws think, why cudnt they've just told me man..

i think smokin is ok, it is a gd way to destress and i am totally used to ppl smokin whn they are stressed in their work and tryin to work sth out lightin a stick but on norm days it shudnt be the case. hoho. i think social are definitely fine too. i dont believe in what the tp jerome said, that he doesnt believe in social cos they are fakers. err.. no, socials are no fakers :)) they are ppl who do not get addicted but still enjoy what they are doin, thats the main thg isnt it? i think all the smokers that i knoe are mainly from cj. hahaha! great school culture yeah? hoho.

of cos there are many who are quittin, hooray! or mayb just 'demotin' from reg to social. hahaa! thats good enough i think. scooby said sth damn true, for those who smoke cos it's cool, may they shudnt cos with so many smokers these days, it is those who dont smoke who are cooler.

ok, i dont knoe what i am blabberin abt. hehee! all i think that it is ok to smoke but not do it cos 'hey! it's cool!' -.-

i am willing to try but what about you?

2008-06-10T04:32:00.007+08:00

instead of frettin over the Sichuan earthquake or the unfortunate event in Myanmar (sorry, i am not too clear abt this), whr all we can do is donate our clothes, daily necessities and money. mayb we shud just look ahead and see our biggest prob, the ailin earth. i kinda knew Singapore kinda has this save Gaia campaign goin on but if you ask me i'd say the effort is weak. is this like some worldwide event thing? cos seriously, or shud i say ironincally, i am hearin or seein the efforts of this 'save-the-earth' of sorts event, from Japanese media; Touch! Eco 2008. ~~i still do keep my tv on with the local progs alright~~ the Japanese are doin lots like this within the eco week which i assume is from 2june to 8june. the celebrities took up different challenges by carryin acts that were eco-friendly if i'm not wrong and one of them was to educate the africans or sth.. here's one of them. it is a clip showin the performance of the song fuka-fuka love the earth which translates into let's love the earth gently. it is a song co-written by all 7 of them in the band and the lightin of the performance was actually generated by the celebrities cyclin their asses off below the stage.

but i gotta admit the adverts that Singapore has come up with feels real and movin. i guess it is one of the rare adverts that deserves praises. basically the Gaia from our Save Gaia campaign comes from this..
The Gaia hypothesis is an ecological hypothesis that proposes that the biosphere and the physical components of the Earth (atmosphere , cryosphere, hydrosphere and lithosphere) are coupled together to form a complex interacting system. This system is proposed to act in a homeostatic fashion that preserves climatic and biogeochemical conditions on Earth that are suitable for living organisms. Named after the Greek Titan of the earth, the hypothesis is frequently described as viewing the Earth as a single organism. (from Wiki)
so now i finally see the reason behind the govt's effort in tryin to motivate ppl to save on the electricity and the vigorous campaigns on savin electricity and the use of canvas bags instead of plastic bags. i guess it is workin? cos it is subtle and it slowly becomes part of us, a habitual thg..

after all that bullshit, seriously i think i am your most eco-unfriendly person but i sure dont fancy carryin plastic bags ard unless necessary. so does that make me more eco-friendly now? i am not bein pro-Japanese here but it is still nice seein the efforts they are puttin it to create an awareness. some part of me dont really care if it is from the bottom of their hearts that they care for the earth or simply doin it for publicity cos it is heartenin seein ppl evn tryin. mayb, just mayb, from today, i can just do a small part. i was once that selfish to think that i need not cos i wont live to see the earth deteriorates but now, i might just wanna consider how i cant do my part (less hairspray anybod? hahaa!).

~~just a tiny question... why is environmentally-friendly shortened to eco-friendly?~~

i was supposed to blog abt my ssm proficiency test and my drama review on Last Friends but well, i guess this needed more attention so those two just gotta wait..

compilation

2008-06-04T00:09:00.010+08:00

Last Friends: (ep.4)
boku wa..　itsumo.. kino(kimi no) matte.. matsu matsu.. akunai da..
hitoribocchitte yuna, minna sou dayo
Kanjani 8: (Itsuta Mata)
dakishimete hoshii yoru boku datte tsuyokunai kara
kizutsuku koto saw osoreteta
kinou niwa mou, modoranaiyo
tsuyoku nara kara
What you looking for flyin into the sky
All you gotta do is believe

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First completed the movie Crows Zero, basically it is your action flick; a high school based. Fine, I gotta admit that I am totally addicted to Jap production, storyline and what have you. So much so that I am havin probs tryin to appreciate western movies. It is either that or no movies are up to standards for my likin so far.

Basically czero is abt this high school whr all the boys fight to rule the school. Fight as in literal brutal force. It got me thinking, if I were to be in a school like that, in a fight like that, how would I fight? Honestly, there is not hundred percent guarantee but considerin the fact that I think I do crazy thgs under the influence of this chemical called adrenaline, I’d hate to imagine. I guess I’d go crazy, like total wild whackfest. The more pain I get from the injuries I sustain in the fight (it is inevitable in a fight isit? We are no manga characters), the harder my punches will be and I’d totally make sure the ppl I hit suffer, sick I knoe. I can totally see myself losin all senses.. mayb I’d be less destructive whn I am younger, I rmb wrestling with my older cuz. Back then twas still the blind punches but now I’d prolly really make sure my punches hit home. Of cos all these are just hypothetic, cos I think my kicks are pretty weak in reality, esp my left leg but I cant my right shud do some decent damage with all that muscles. Hahaha!

Still, I kinda envy the feel in the whole movie. I mean your normal girls might just go, “I cant understand what they are fightin for?!” but I’d say they are fightin for a very noble cause. It is appropriate cos they are still young, they are carryin the hopes of their comrades and many other ppl whn they fight. It is not just your childish lets fight cos you stared at me, WTF?! It has a purpose, on the shoulders of the ‘men’ (tho they are only say, 18?) are the dreams of many others. It may be a burden but it is also a very strong drivin force. The closest I can think of in real life is team sports. As a capt, you carry with you the responsibilities, the dream, hope and the trust your team mates entrust upon you. You not only mark you own opponent, you make sure your team mates are copin, you rush up to take knocks for them (who says ppl play clean sports), alws be the first to save balls from getting beyond the court if twas in your possession. The whole chemistry of a TEAM. I cant say we lay our lives dwn for each other but our bodies at least. The injuries sustained, the fall, the blood, the scars are all evidence of our sacrifices. Many of these stay with us till we lay six feet under but they are sweet sacrifices, for the memories are not sth anyone can rob you of.

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dont do it, pls dont.. you knoe i wont voice it out. i wont say anythg cos i dont knoe how to put them into words and it just isnt me. i dont believe in forcin thgs of this aspect. forget abt the 'accomodatin', 'adjustin' or 'adaptin'. tried, tested and failed. i am anal, i only want the best. mayb thats why the previous ones have failed thus far..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i dont knoe if my temper has improved or many thgs doesnt matter anymore.. i'd rather be left alone than to suit others. whn i dont flare, it doesnt mean i am fine with it, i just cannot be bothered to make thgs more troublesome.

mayb there is a reason why my counsellors have alws pointed out that i am too sarcastic and arrogant. i mean at least i am myself in front of them but the comments that return really arent too nice.. sometimes i just dont feel like bein too nice, more often than not, the result of bein nice is just bein taken for granted. it really isnt worth it, is it? if thats the case, i'd rather be feared and unapproachable..

because evrybod's more interested in the cacoon than the caterpillar

2008-06-01T22:42:00.012+08:00

Cold Storage Kids' Run:

camwhorin on the way to esplanade:
i am REALLY short! i had to tiptoe for all the pics or kster had to bend dwn. the difference is more than prominent in pic 4&5!

some artistic shots:

met up with b. hahaha! that badmood girl treated us to prawn mee and today i was the messy-eater =X sorrysorry. hehee! and i was beyond high, for some known reason and i cudnt stop laughin. i laugh so hard i was totally wobbly. hahaa! and b bein in her badmood, twas.. err.. b, sometimes bein at your hse whn you badmood's really bad. today, lucky i wasnt alone if not really sian. hahaa!

finally, endin of with a classic pic.. this pic is just too KAWAIII~! for me to just post it in small size. ~~mangaboy~~ alvinkang and his manga pose that screams, YAMETTE~! hahaha!! he was supposed to look small, and i am supposed to look tall. ~~ok, and i TOTALLY look constipated.....~~

today

2008-05-28T02:32:00.004+08:00

stupid acctg tutorial:

the man:

the view:

KiKi:

lovelove♥

2008-05-28T00:56:00.014+08:00

♥KOR'S♥ 21st BIRTHDAY: (BLACK&GOLD)

VENUE: Mount Faber

THE PEOPLE:

♥LOWELL'S♥ 20th BIRTHDAY:

PART OF BERLIN:

♥ADEL'♥ 19th BIRTHDAY:

VENUE:

PLAN: KIDNAP

OUTCOME: BIG SUCCESS with ~~small~~ blunders

HELPER: THE 'AHMAD'

BRILLIANT MASTERMINDS: P&B

the forgotten

2008-05-26T23:38:00.003+08:00

i think i'm seriously startin to forget how to blog. i kinda went on a hiatus cos i am on an all time low and i really dont fancy rantin at ppl on my blog, cos i'l be evn nastier not that i am all nice and sweet now. hehee!
i've been eatin too much sweet stuffs lately! serious! and i think i am puttin on weight again! yabai! damn sian la! and i've alr got at least TWO ppl commentin on my fats, ok, enough ar. later i flare. hahaha! and fry yall with my pork oil. hahaha! i am like tryin to eat to fill up the feel of emptiness but not workin, it is backfirin! hahaha! -.-
i knoe i am supposed to upload many pics but lazy and i am SUPPOSED to be studyin for my damn geog travel test now! -.- tell me abt panickin. i am panicky but i am not doin anythg. how motivatin ya? just after png said i look damn hardworkin this sem, i am SO takin that as a praise and correctin him that last sem i WAS too! hahaa! mayb it is the havin a goal in mind thg, i have another 2yrs and many thgs hafta change in this 2yrs, manymany thgs..

i lost sth after i entered tp. now, i am facin the same decision.. to let go or to go for it.. it is alws easier to let go and take a step back but i am really wonderin if it is the right thg to do.. moreover, i cant be too pushy as well, i think it is damn irritatin. ugh~!
i hafta let this subside again. friendship can be a double-edged sword and cos of it, i alws hafta sacrifice this just for the friendship. either way it is not any less painful.. and this is the 4th time but well, i alws think it means sth... it does.. right?

zZzzz

2008-05-19T03:40:00.003+08:00

shall insist on updatin tho i am totally gon ko soon.. this sucks cos i am killin myself slowly.. i had wanted to mention sth but i seem to have lost my train of thots..

OH! yes yes YES! i miss my old hair! my brown and very straight hair! my hair isnt naturally straight, i have natural curls thanks to both my mom and darddy =(( but they gave me the soft fluffy hair which is dyin from all the ssm sprays and what not -.- i wanna have my hair brown and soft-rebonded again!

yes, doesnt my hair rock in those pics?! =(((( and i was obviously tanner then. shud i just go get myself blackblack? hahaa! it's a SUPER impt decision cos my tan lasts forever. hahaa! i just got strong pigmentation if thats what you call it. hehee! UGHH! I HATE MY HAIR NOW!

fav! ♥

met up with b today, wondered ard town aimlessly and bought some random mag. helped yin-ying get her arashi mags too, why not? since today's the last day of kino's 20% sale for members =DD then b's mommy joined up. yes, three of us, what a weird combi but twas alright. i felt really bad cos evrytime we meet up to eat, it'd alws end up bein auntie treatin me and b wouldnt let me pay for the drinks too.. but the topshop blunder was FUNNY! i'd think b was the one who made the mistake. hahaa! cos she alws semi-deaf. hahaa! and yeahyeah, thanks for tryin to help me face up to 'the shop' one day i will have enough courage to look in but not now. hahaa!

rabu-rabu! ♥

to this day, i'm still immature

2008-05-17T01:25:00.004+08:00

it is time like this that i realise that i am still but a kid incapable of accomplishin anythg by myself. it is times whn i make irrational decisions, choosin to be wilful and not considerin abt more impt thgs. it is times like this whn i feel like i cant handle my own emotions and end up hurtin myself that i feel like a kid.

still another one mth plus and the demon inside can be released, just that one mth plus more and i can just become me again.

i am totally losin patience with evrythg, evn with my dramas, i am totally skippin scenes just so that i can finish them faster, thgs aint lookin too bright in this case.

i realised i no longer speak with buffers. in the first place, do i even knoe what is buffers? i am SO straighforward, it is like automatic. whn i speak i am just simply blunt, words doesnt get processed in my brain, they just come out in a verbal regurgitation. ok, i DO feel bad if i hurt ppl in the process but close folks shud have gotten used to it, hafnt they? i'd love to have them be this straightforward with me, so i see no point in me actin all nice and dainty. i am me btw -.- but i will still try to kick the habit. tho i totally love dokkun, i dont needa become a docchan. hahaa! i'm gettin lame..

i didnt do the freakin trans and i've alr tried my best to not make it sound as broken, at the same time tryin to keep the meanin of the damn song..

Struggling
A day passed by
Screaming
A day passed by
Resisting
A day passed by
Shattering
A day passed by

To some extent if you understand,
How about wisening up a lil
Even though tempted by lowly others,
I will not get angry and make more enemies
I am like this because I am fearfully and restlessly searching for kind people

Do I have ambitions? Am I just? Do I have feelings? Do I have shame?
Unfortunately to this day, I'm still not a mature person. I'm still immature
Unfortunately to this day, I'm still not a mature person. I'm still immature

Overstraining
A day passed by
Agitated
A day passed by
Stubbornly
A day passed
Shattering
A day passed
Let me teach you how to lead
Even though tempted by lowly others
I would not get angry and vanish
I am like that because I am fearfully and restlessly searching for kind people

combo

2008-05-14T19:50:00.005+08:00

it is not difficult to find pics of female and a kid but to see pics of boys and kid is just PURE sweeeeetness! i love the feel of it. i fell in love with the first pic, it is actually one with pi and a kid, both smilin so innocently, this pic totally melted me at first sight. to prove that i just simply like the theme and not only cos it is pi (who wouldnt, pi is TOO pretty to resist). the second pic is another of a father, i assume, the baby looks so happy to be slpin on his chest (makes me want to too =X) dies of the sweeeetness seriously!

yes, i think she is DAMN hot, i love her style and her look. this is one lady who isnt your lets all be demure style and i love her attitude, not over but just being herself. it sure is nice bein here then..
oh, anw she is ueto aya =DD

lets all get hyped up listenin to upbeat songs and enjoy life =DDDDDD

------------------------------ end ------------------------------

it is this feelin, the feelin of youth slowly slippin away, out of my grasp. it sure doesnt feel gd seein your own cuz havin their own careers whn they are not very much older than you are. it is moments like these that make me feel that we are no longer the same, no longer the same teenagers yrs ago.. to think i thot the transition from a kid to teen was bad, this is worse.. we dont have the leisure to be wilful anymore, we have to learn to be independent and face the harsh reality (notice how i alws call it harsh reality instead of only reality). but here, i am still happily wastin my remainin youth away.

mayb i shud start wakin up from my dreams and stop believin that i can behave like a kid just by hangin out with my younger friends, they still have the privilege.. but not me.. in another two yrs, i will and shud be on my own alr, and what will i do then? it sure doesnt help that i still look like a kid at my age, it is brainwashin evrybod into thinkin i'm still a kid. thgs are shud be gettin serious and here i am enjoyin this freedom of chillin as and whn i feel wilful enough to.

i need to learn to be more disciplined and start understandin what it means to dress to impress almost 24/7. honestly, i cant imagine livin my life like this. i need to keep pushin myself to work harder.. i dont want to live a mediocre life, no way..

i am so proud of berlin wall, how evrybod's so forgivin, mayb except ME! =DD but we alws knew that we'd stayed this close for so long because evrybod took turn to keep the grp tgd. it's partner dearest this time and i firmly believe that she'l come back, she is tryin. it sure isnt easy tryin whn you're out of the invisible 'circle'. it is not easy bein the only one out of the 'grp' but if i can find my way back, i have faith partner will too :)) and this time it is up to me to believe in her. afterall, nobod'd knoe as well as i do how it really feels like.. tryin but not knoe how to at the same time.. so partner, trust me, it'l take time but not impossible!! ♥

the sun's been comfy these few days, it is the feelin of warmth, perfect!

ran into another old acquaintance and seein evrybod holdin a permanent job; do i envy them or sympathise with them..?

ohhishashiburi

2008-05-13T00:56:00.012+08:00

love this pic♥:

f21's fittin room:

zara's fitting room:

at sakae:

din's bday:

adel's drivin:

after cedar youth alumni gatherin, at cartel [berlin]:

on dick's car (she was DRIVIN, mind you..):

whn feelin overflow

2008-05-11T21:25:00.001+08:00

i am still too lazy to blog today plus tmr there's ssm, lets postpone evrythg then.. shall blog abt cedar youth alumni gatherin, din's bday and.. i forgot but just many stuffs so it'l be a loooong entry with lots reflection so dont read if you aint interested, save all of us the trouble =DD

word game

2008-05-09T00:12:00.005+08:00

yes, it is time for the usual 'random' words

pms
badmood
extreme moodswing
no pics
exhaustion
mutual
frustration
fail to understand
make-up
top of the world
alone
peak
rewatch
glow
genki
it's my soul

random.

2008-05-07T22:23:00.005+08:00

the only pics for the day:
we went town and managed to get what we wanted. shiokshiok!

i keep forgettin thgs i wanna say recently, it is so bad! horrible! i am just kinda high now, mayb it is the lack of food man.. i met dicks today!!! OMG! I WAS SO HAPPY!! i totally missed her and i didnt expect to see her there. stupid rich kid! hahaa! and her hot GREEN cardigan was the BOMB! i saw it and i immediately knew why she bought it! we fangirl-ed awhile and i had to leave, gosh! i miss the girl! hot green cardigan! i totally wanna die there. hahaa!

about being alone... everyone is.

2008-05-06T22:49:00.005+08:00

gosh, those were supposed to be comfortin words in the drama i was intendin to watch. alright, it first debuted four wks ago and i still dont have the courage to watch it. i have to keep remindin myself mentally to avoid that drama or i'd crash!

it's abt lesbianism, gayism, abuse, .. alright, basically evrythg bad. thus, i am waitin to watch it only whn the season ends, which'd definitely mean a motivatin endin. i'd really love to see how the scriptwriter rounds evrythg up.

alright, nxt up, super ugly pics =D well, who cares abt looks whn you have love (from yfriends!)

yes, they acc-ed me to ps to pick up my spree stuff and we had our dinner there. finally managed to get my mother's day present! i got my mom a zen! mp4, something i didnt evn get myself and since it is within budget i bought it there and then. after that we did our shoppin at daiso! yes! my fav. place, i didnt just use jap products cos of the dramas but it's since some time ago.

brain's too fried to blog much tho i had wanted to type chunks. love.

day(s) out

2008-05-04T22:10:00.012+08:00

lets start with today's. we were supposed to go out with adel but she didnt reply my msg ytd (mayb twas her sis' bday that worn her out). so somehow or rather me and b went to 'crash' kster and joel's date. i swear they are the CUTEST 'couple' ever. hahaa! we were like 'double-datin'; me and b, kster and joel. hahaa! it turns out that kster bein weird has nth to do with the ppl he hangs out with cos joel's totally normal like us! hahaa!

oh oh! anw i gotta say kster was SUPER nice (the word 'super' is not enough to describe how nice he was) today and it is cos of joel -.- what a pig right?! but twas not so awkward today cos it seems like joel totally knoes what goes on between kster, b and i. so that got me thinkin.. just what do they talk abt whn they get tgd man..

kk, i'l leave the rest to the pics.. (i am still lackin lovey-dovey pics of the boys cos of b!!! feel guilty k? hahaa!)

can you feel the love? hahaa! they looks so prischboy-ish! damn cute. hahaa! and of cos some gay actions 'upon request', tho i somewhat suspect that kster just wanna do it deep dwn xP

we took alot more pics but cos it is with b, this is the only one i have..

it is totally difficult tryin to take individual pics with the boys! we had to coax and coo them like babies, twas uber funny! you'l get what i mean whn you see the joel and b pics. hahaa!

joel looks so SO kiddish. hehee!

alright, i met up with scooby and naddie ytd tgd with dinny. doggie was bein a bitch as usual, talkin NON-STOP whn evrybod at the table were stonin but yep, we had fun, esp that dog. he was a TOTAL idiot with toto and 4D that all three of us nearly killed ourselves tryin to explain it to him! since i didnt have the time to upload ALL the vids, make do with these pics first..

i met up with the grpies some time ago. the name grpies came abt in the WEIRDEST fashion, twas durin our 2.4. yes, the napfa 2.4k time. well these are the pics that day, definitely not our best record. i rmb back in j1 days, we set the record of 70plus pics in a min, that is abt 60s and that'd mean more that 1pic/s. i'd sure think we clicked the cam non-stop, blondie did the snappin. i sure miss camwhorin with her durin lessons.. and mind you, we were sittin in the FIRST row, right in the tchr's face. hahaa!

well, anw blondie's the one without specs, joyce. the name came abt cos she has natural gold hair, like seriously. whats more, she really amazes you with her brain. for example at ajisen, we were supposed to fill up the feedback form. i'd sure hope yall do knoe we usually TICK the circles? that sweetheart went to shade, so me and sze was like.. "JOYCE! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN!?" hahaa! and that babe had absolutely NO idea what we were talkin abt -.-

happy moments

2008-05-04T02:03:00.001+08:00

the doggie that talks NON-STOP

in response to b's post

2008-05-04T01:39:00.002+08:00

well, i totally get what you mean. our situation totally swopped ard. be grateful ok, at least you get to see almost all of o3, you get what i mean dont you? yes, i really miss many ppl, cant hide that i am kinda startin to like my new class but the thgs we went thru and crapped abt in o3 is totally different. i miss how we played angel-mortal, how we celebrated each other's birthday, esp that kster's whr we actually went all out, with only two of us and we kinda enjoyed it. gosh, i even miss kster in my class la! ok, some part of it is cos he'l carry my stuffs, tho he is nicer now, he actually doesnt complain and quite willin but it just feels different without the both of you, you see =((
i even miss you being high, kster bein noisy and irritatin durin class time. i miss gevinpng's lesson too cos like i said, he isnt your norm goody-two-shoes tchr.. i am bein sucha idiot.. i didnt knoe that o3 grew on me unknowingly. i am alws complainin abt the ppl bein too weird.. more like complainin abt tp ppl on the whole but well, i am just glad we managed to bond durin the later part with all our nonsense.. i am finally tryin to appreciate their 'innocence'. hoho. b, you are losin it alr, you are not as clean anymore. hehee!

am i the only one?

2008-05-02T22:26:00.006+08:00

dicks, if you are ever readin this entry... i am sorryyy~ i knoe th fonts are kinda small but i think it looks nicer this size than the slightly bigger one cos the bigger one bolds itself by default x)

well, ytd first. we went out as fours again but this time instead of kster twas jerome, ~~the gay~~. hoho! cos stupid alvinkang didnt wanna join us! cos he was busy with his bball. anw, we watched over her dead body, twas a not bad movie i guess.. what dya expect whn you got such hot girls! eva longoria and the female lead, HOT! their figures were like.. WOW! i totally drooled the whole movie. i kinda teared at the end whn eva longoria had to give her fiance up for the 'psychic'. i means isnt givin up your most treasured belongin alws the HARDEST thg to do? the whole thg was great minus the couples all tryin to makeout on my right. hahaha! me and b totally entertained ourselves countin the no. of couples ard. there were like 30plus couples in like err.. less than 5mins! irritatin. hahaha!
sorry, there are no pics cos b didnt bring her cam. tho i brought, smart me forgot to bring memocard! -.-
b and i hung out for awhile more. that woman near tore my tubedress apart! faints! i acc-ed her to meet her cuz's boyf, friend and her pretty gd friend. gosh! jason's HOT! hahaha! she is so gon agree with me, who wudnt man. hoho.
basically twas a really gd day cos i hung out with familiar ppl, minus the abuse.

of cos today turned out better than expected. i still missed o3 like mad. are dilemmas part of evrybod's lives? first i was faced with the 'identity crisis' now, i needa decide if i'd choose genuineness or the hypocrisy (lets just call it social skills).
i mean i am definitely happy now, i am who i am back then, the pk who really speaks her mind. however, of cos there's a price to pay. eversince i entered o3, i had to kinda give up my sticks. there were ppl like kster who'd nag and reprimand me. i knoe it's bad for health but who can rebut that it is the best way to relieve stress? i still do it whn i hang out with sheer and din, just three of us sittin by a coffeehse, jommin our lives away, thats the bomb man.
my current class? well, i gotta say i kinda like it cos there are more of my kind but sometimes i think.. is it healthy? there is nobod to keep me in check anymore, will i spiral dwn again the same way? first time in 1yr plus i kinda appreciate kster's naggin tho i'd really rather he be nicer. hoho. the busted thg was whn jerome asked today if we were close to kster, me and b replied, "kinda/notreally." i mean we'd love to be close but that piggo's really difficult. hahaa! but we are definitely closer than norm friends. hoho.
i rmb alws complainin abt o3 guys bein weird and whatnots but now that i think back, they were real whn it came to commentin abt our flaws, they dont hide. in a way you can say they mean well. i love how o3 alws come tgd these days. it's just pure love!!!

1ho3 girls' 'all-black' day [lookin all demure]
the cheeky blacks
o3 ~~girls'~~ 'all-black' day
1ho3's 'uniform day' [the guailan ones]

i miss the times whn we'd have a specific dress code or whatsoever. as you can see all the girls are in black and also alvinkang cos we kinda cheated him into wearin black but as you can see in the pics, he is gay to be amog us man! hoho. i guess this wouldnt happen again cos it feels as if we've grown out of this frenzy =((

YES, DEAR FRIENDS, yknoe i loooooooove yall SOOOOOOO much yo! =DD daisuki, daidai DAI~suki! aishiteruyo! =)))

i am just glad to say that my prayers were answered, thus, i shall not be greedy. it really doesnt feel 'me' to say this but i still firmly believe that whatever happens God has a plan for me. over the years (not very long ago but say like one yr ago?), my faith has grown much stronger. whenever i walk into a deadend, i alws believe that God has left me with another way out but it is up to me to work my way to find it. there was a time i was so dwn, i didnt wanna receive any help from anybod, i didnt wanna tell but all that time there was God, the only comfort i could get out of it. it was as if God was the source of comfort then. i didnt have to tell cos God understands it all. i was forced to face up to my mistakes and now, one yr later, i am slowly walkin out of it. at the same time, i am able to stand up for my faith and not waiver. it doesnt matter if i cant trust ppl anybod but all that matter's my faith has grown stronger and that is all thats impt, at least for now.
however, one thg remains that there are thgs i wanna protect, secrets i wanna keep. i am happy with my own world and a part of me is unwillin to open up some part of my world to others, no matter how strong the friendship is. there are emotions i have never shared before, yet, i'd love to have it this way. i'd nv let anyone off for tryin to change my world, turnin it topsy-turvy..

ok, other than the fact that ryo-chan the one playin the role, i seriously think the character, Sosuke's rather complex. it's an uphill task showin his inner battles. Sosuke's a really gentle guy who loves and stands up for abused children. the irony's that he is an abusive boyf.

i like this song..

yokatta ne.glad

2008-04-30T20:56:00.018+08:00

just ytd, i really didnt wanna go school. first, it was the identity crisis, second, twas the unfamiliarity. somehow i was behavin like some brat. still, i dragged my bigfatass to school. i was late for psycho today cos i couldnt find the blady stockings. i swear i rmb still left with one stockin but somehow i couldnt find it! grr~!
psycho turned out great cos i actually talked to ppl other than fiona, my prev jap classmate. there was this only ONE guy in our grp so whn we 'shoot' the guys he was the only one gettin it but he was damn cool with it. my first impression of him was like err.. lembih. hahaa! but he totally impressed me with his actions and all i cant put it to words i guess. he just makes me think, 'mm.. guys dont necessarily hafta impress with their outlooks but their personality.' we were doin the topic on teenage pregnancy, it rocked! it ended up bein a lil sexual. i ended up presentin. gosh, i think my reputation in tp's slowly goin dwnhill man. hahaa! anyhow it wont be worse than my cj one. in cj i'm like half a man alr. hoho. i cant rmb what i said but twas sth that makes them think dirty straight, i think? cos apparently only stupid ryun kiat (my prev socio classmate, he's a KOH too! ppl with the surname koh just cant help bein hot =X hoho.) laughed out damn sudden, i cant rmb what i said but the tutor busted him after that sayin sth like you ppl are so close-minded, talk abt sex only laugh -.- i think my tutor is psychotic, thats why she teaches psycho. she freaks the shit out of me sometimes, make that everytime. i am startin to enjoy psycho tho =))
shining lent me her aunt's. hahaa! it's damn gd quality cos it didnt run and i gotta admit i was DAMN rough cos i was ~~kinda~~ in a big rush.. bse turned out great. damn it man, none and i mean NONE of my tutors are 'clean', esp the hospi related tutors. i think my psycho tutor hasnt cracked a dirty joke yet, has she? but she is not hospi related. anw, my bse tutor a female cracked a pretty gd dirty joke, at least twas what i thot, that rocked man. hahaha! i kinda like her, lets hope i enjoy this whole module, babe!
the whole bse was like some porn lesson cos my class kinda started open up. more like adel and jerome were damn horrible but enjoyable in some sort cos at least got ppl understand and can crack dirty jokes and get the hints! i kinda started loud talkin a lil. the funny one i rmbed was adel was sayin like she wants a hard, cant rmb hard what cos before that i was sayin i was soft or some crap. then she said she wanted a hard one, so i told her if she wants hard one, i'm afraid she might needa go to jerome (he was sittin beside adel, i still think he is gay). HAHAA! basically the dirty ppl were like ADEL, JEROME, JIAYU, denise and mayb, just mayb only, me? hahaa! ppl restrain ok?! hahaa! i think if i really unleash will scare them! HAHAA! the best part! evn shining is gettin it! hahaaa! i love that girl, she is SO cute! hahaa! ok, after talkin so much i think i might as well post some pics of these ppl. adel is like totally known, who doesnt knoe that ~~noisybitch~~ =X prettymama hahaa!

pics on train:

jiayu and denise [i love her tongue piercin!]
jerome and me
candid me [by dee]
actcute me [by dee]
candid jerome [by dee]
jerome's gay pose [by dee]
scary jiayu! [by dee]

pics on cab:

me and jerome
the three of us on cab
jerome and his gay face again

was supposed to take more with dee but we ended up talkin all the way back to tp so no pics after that. i didnt post all the pics, there are too many to post all up!

after bse we went to meet potato and b at the bistro (OH, my psychotutor said she used to have 'potato' students, meanin there just sit there dont move, dont react kind and i thot of potato IMMEDIATELY. it sounds kinda like her. hahaa!) yeah, thgs happened there, makaned and evrybod had to leave for class and only me and pearl was left. we kinda talked alot of graduations and the likes. we both wanted to cry. hoho. anw sorry man, i think i blabbered on abt my jdrama =X BUT, you totally ditched me after that! PIG!
luckily, pops was ard. i was nearly left alone with ykp, scary yo. so after that i kinda went ard with pops to find his classmates, which included pete. so pops did some probin abt pete's 'background' as in the proj attitude all and he fed me with some gossip, that guy's a female in male's disguise man! hahaa! pops is the weirdest guy but nth new we have lots in tp. hahaa! still, he was REALLY nice today! he actually helped me carry my shoebag and uniform cover! surprisin! usually pops will just kill me or such. hahaa! why is everybod sddnly becomin so nice?! BUT I AM NOT COMPLAININ! i love how everythg is now. evrybod nice and i love evrybod, sweeeeet love~ i love thgs like that =))
then while roamin ard we kinda ran into adel and kster who just ended their basic e. lucky i didnt have to meet up with pops' classmates cos i was damn afraid it'd be awkward. hahaa! i was just lamentin how even pops is nice now to adel and k. so i was like, "alvin kang.." the nxt thg i knew, he was in a hurry to tell me, "i become bad alr" (see the link? i said pops become gd alr, so k knew i was gon ask him to carry , my stuff, thus his reply!) gosh, i love the telepathic convos between friends!
i went to change after that and sth sweet HAPPENED! i was damn happy! it's the kinda moments whr you just go, "ah~, yokatta na.." (like wow, thats great..) cos i saw k and adel sittin and chattin happily! how sweet is that?! that was like the highlight of the day! i was really so happy i just stood there and watch =DD after that whn b joined, twas like war. let the pics do the talkin man..

the fightin scenes:

val's powerful punch
kster's "retaliation" [more like defence]
kster's terrorised face
the 'mom' and the abused 'son'
battle scar
tp design stu infront of the 'pyramid'
in front of i-dont-knoe-what

i love how we are now, it is like the beginnin.. how we shud have started if all our emotions had not come into the picture and spoil the friendships. evrythg's just so comfy and so great. it is those rare moments whr the smile just comes from within, whn your friends exudes genki and makes you feel lively too!

i mean the new ppl i met are all unlike the o3s. denise is like consider 'old' ppl alr. hahaa! she's nasty but mature at the same time, i am actually kinda respectin her for how she sets her limits. i found out that she is a social too, so got khaki alr. hoho. jiayu is MAD but her body damn hot i love how she can get others to like her easily. jerome IS gay. hahaa! i mean we knoe it is an act but still different, he bothers to be gentlemanly, and damn open (shud see him and adel, killer duo). if adel hadnt said so i sure wont knoe he is from st. pat. sp just reminds me of nick pat and brenny. oh yahh! now that i talked abt it he is brenny's junior. but it is not difficult to note his english influence just that he looked nbh =X
but k and pops are still my favs! cos they help me with my stuffs! hahaa!=DD of cos val is love! i mean, ppl like FATlove, nigger, b and mayb even adel. i mean ppl who've heard my non-stop grumbles, you are impt! fl, i didnt forget you la =)) nigger, thanks for alws REALLY being just a phonecall/msg away! b, thanks for keepin me sane. adel, for evn stayin with me in o2.
there are too many pics to caption but lets just say, they are all my favourite ppl, ppl i really love! other than my berlinies of cos.

we've grown, so has our friendships. the only constant is the changes but by changin tgd, we remain by each others' sides, appreciatin one another more each day

me and b was talkin and we have classmates who are like damn open like take photos they dare to hold our waist and blah.. and k got the impression macam b like to be touch. tsk! i think what she meant was like cos they dare to 'play' then we also can push the limits. it's like how you face a player we'l wanna push our own limits and play along with them, see who's more open. thats pure fun! hoho. also cos of these ppl i can like totally be myself, like just make alot of noise. hahaa! o2girls are kinda like showin girls' school behaviours alr cos the guys are pretty open and they wont like comment on how unglam we are, they just play along. i like their openness but i still miss ppl like ann and k! the feel is just different. dies.

let evrythg remain like this. let us go back to before, to the times whn our friendships blossomed. if our emotions had not got in the way, is this how thgs shud have been? i love how evrythg is but am i bein too close? i dont want to be too close and suffer the impact. i just wanna watch from afar and smile from the bottom of my heart. if thats the price for our friendships, i will do it. i dont want thgs to change..

touch-me-not

2008-04-28T23:58:00.002+08:00

i am in a stupid bad state, bad mood, bad weather and many probs pilin themselves up. at this moment i am actually glad i have babyt. as in the reason i wanted to have it was to stretch my limit, to have an achievement of sort to tell myself that i am strong enough for it. it's the thg thats keepin me goin do far, sadly. it's what's stoppin me from succumbin to temptation, there are times whn i just tink, heck, just pull it out. it sounds damn sick but it is real. however, thinkin of the pain, no thanks. hoho.
stupid kster kept askin how come i did that but i just couldnt mouth the words, i did it to feel more secure, sounds stupid uh. cos somehow it makes me feel whole, as if somebod, somethg's holdin on to me, somethg close, real and a part of me.
sometimes i wish i could be like akira, innocent or single-minded enough to believe that if he buried hurtful stuff, it'l make it go away or disappear, whatever you call that. i loved the character while watchin the show cos i think it takes hell lot to do that, to be the person he is. i cant help thinkin, he could have been the smartest among them all but choose to let go. that itself takes alot. some stuffs, we really dont have to bring it up.. i mean instead of havin the whole world bein unhappy, how bout just one person keep her damn blady mouth shut and let everythg go, what gd will it do bringin it aboveboard? no prize lei.

ok, my blog's damn borin now cos there are no pics! will post soon, with my baby cuz too.. i am too tired from ssm today

ii.. ja nai yo

2008-04-24T22:56:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HWAY!!!

the day started pretty well with my apel, i finally gotta see my new class. it consists of 23 ppl and only four guys. i dont knoe anybod well except for shining and pearl, so lets just hope evrythg works out well..

it was funny today how we went 'visitin' for val and kster's ssm. their class has quite a lot of guys compared to my grp's. sian... hahaa! they were doin their tray trainin, or whatever you call that. i think ssm is totally fun and apparently evrybod thot so too, except pops mayb. it is like a repeat of cs times, i think i said this before.

after waitin for the rest of them, we headed dwn to expo. there, me and denise managed to get the passes from the tutors to let us in. yeah~! after that we split. it was me, b, kster and potato. meow joined us awhile later. we kinda roamed ard and those pigs were searchin for food while i was too full to be eatin man. the whole thg was tirin, we drank a lil, ice-creamed alil, brochured alot, crapped alot, played alot, had fun alot. hoho! twas just great. we even saw daniel chia, mr goh and all the tutors basically. they were rootin for the tp yr3s who were havin some competition there. apparently they were doin really great, we could totally see the tutors beamin with pride! well, they deserved the respect and whatsoever. you can be a really great hotelier but that may not make you a great tutor. yet they produced sucha elite grp of ppl, bravo!

after that the grp of us chilled out a lil, rach and den joined us. it is amazin how easy girls can be enemies one moment and friends the nxt. i gotta admit i loved rach's humour, it is really that kind of egoistic comment you cant rebut.

after which we went to take bus but somehow it was left with the trio. gosh! the way kster ran for the bus was CLASSIC! me and b HAD to stop to laugh, we cudnt even continue runnin.. somehow he was just in a super gd mood and self-motivated highness the whole day but we are not complainin man cos we were totally havin a great time! =DD we watched harold and kumar after that. kinda no storyline too but the jokes were kinda gd but some parts, i just didnt have to see them. i love kumar's essay, twas simply beautiful, i shall try to find it and like post it cos i LOVE it!
after which we hung out even moreeee.... hehee! but today was fun, fun, FUN! たのしかったね! i dont knoe what to say anymore but yep, mayb it's a gd thg we are in different class now? cos we are havin so much more fun :)))

i was happily slpin on the way home and kor's msg woke me up and i couldnt slp anymore. many thgs started comin back, esp my past. one reason i'm not really lookin forward to datin now's ( somehow me and b's been talkin alot of datin these days and it alws ends up wither bein extreme, extremely hilariously or.. extremely.. extreme? lol.) cos i really think there wont be any guy capable of sharin the burden of my past with me. the best i can think of is, he prolly has similar experience but that'd also mean i dont want a person like that, that is how contradictin it is. it is like how bush cited to kumar when kumar asked bush why did he ban weeds whn he himself loves it? bush's reply was of utmost intelligence, at least thats what i thot.
he said sth like this to kumar, "well, do you like givin a handjob?" obviously kumar said no.
and he asked again, "then, do you like bein given a handjob?" to this, kumar replied yes.
sometimes, it is just as simple as this. human, we are weird and because of this, i am so lookin forward to psycho classes. the last was great..

well, back to my kor side, i really dont wanna screw it for him, it's his 21st after all. it might be one of his harder birthdays. i mean he has enough friends to last him for the night but it's gon be hard cos quite a few of us gon be absent from it. with bro, pei, kerr all in aussieland and me havin this kinda crap. it's gon feel imperfect and that really is the last thg i want.. kor's like really family and havin to skip this REALLY sucks..

endin with a song:

why must one tear open a healin wound just to tell,
of the existence of the scar, the hurt, the pain, the trauma?
cant turn back time but cant decide if twas right.
the past just keeps returnin,
how does one go abt movin on
if all you find is your own footprints
goin ard in circles amidst the scrutinizin world.
lettin tears wash dwn the wound,
is it a cure or a torture?

whats on her mind as she walks aimlessly
the rain and tears washin dwn her pretty face
with those lifeless eyes what sights does she take in
are they tryin to send out distress signals
or have they been filled entirely.. with emptiness
revenge keeps her flame of life burnin
but at the same time it is eatin her away

she needs a helpin hand
but she cant reach out
she doesnt cry nomore
tears just flow
like it is the most natural thg
she doesnt evn notice
until all's too late
she has to go thru this
it's part of growin up
she thinks
mayb some day it'd change
but what if it doesnt..

second day of school

2008-04-22T23:17:00.011+08:00

well, lets see.. the day started off not bad. tho i left hse slightly later than i intended to but i was actually on time cos the traffic is totally smooth. somehow the journey to school these two days was faster than i expected thats why i was on time today.

anw yes, i got conned again but i dont knoe if you call that con whn you knoe the person 'connin' you is lyin. it doesnt matter does it? ahahaa! cos this guy came up and asked for a dollar sayin he lost his wallet and needed money to get back to hougang. i was readin my mag at that time and since i had my wallet on my hand i just took out a dollar for him. he asked for a dollar then he said two but i chose to ignore the two part. cos i really dont think he'd need 2bucks to get back to hougang from whr we were..

the best part was what happened after that.. these conmen love to give themselves away after they 'con' me. mayb hafiz was right to alws scream at me for believin them.
mayb somewhr deep inside i was hopin the stories they were tellin were real? i guess it really doesnt matter.. the thg is IF it is within my reach then i will help but if it's not i'l just walk off. i mean, the best gratitude they can show is not givin their lies away right IN my face and really believe that i am that dumb. i just choose to turn a blind eye towards their lies.. sometimes, i just feel so dumb..

oh anw, today we only went for the acct lect and the lecturer was.. BEYOND DESCRIPTION.. but i felt really bad afterwards whn evrybod just walk off whn he was tryin to do a summary on what he did today.. the lect felt fun cos i was like surrounded with familiarity, havin ppl i knoe for the past yr ard me, evn celine felt slightly, itsy bitsy bit less irritatin. hoho. it was not difficult to notice ppl all sittin with their prev classmates, twas really cute tho. evrybod was like in their small grps of 2s and 4s. we were the only weird ones, the 3s.hahaa! i just think grps of 3s are really rare. keep it up folks. hahaa! our whole row was like all ho3 ppl so i guess it felt great? hehehee!

some pics for the day, pics i refuse to send val just now cos i was too lazy..

first day of ssm] well, the baby hair werent as obvious in the pic but my hair still didnt pass that day and i look damn crappy, it just reminded me of my artistic gym comp. by sayin that, i meant to say i had really short hair then so get-ups like this wasnt needed. i sure look really different tho..

pics with b] these were the nicer pics we took today.. we didnt get to takin alot. the funny thg was, we spent so long waitin for the html meetin only to find out that we cant make it on fri -.- doofus!

anw i think most of you can stop readin from this point on cos whats gon happen after this is just paragraphs of me voicin my opinion and discussin some issues; which in any case, is of no concern for many of you. so pls kindly not pretend to behave like you care -.- hoho.

“What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!' Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?” - Friedrich Nietzsche

i've been thinkin quite alot today and the only thg that stated stuck was what i was thinkin abt friendship and homosexuality.. i used to be uber anti-gays cos it gives me the creep and lesians are alws fine cos i am used to it i guess. however recently it is the TOTAL opposite! i cant stand lesbians and i'm ok with gays. ok, it's not like i see lesians and i get damn turned off by them but there is that slight "why like that" goin thru my head.. i gotta make myself clear tho, i cant really stand the niang gays too. i've alws been fine with guys who behave like norm guys and are gays, by all means.

hey, in this case my attitude towards gays hasnt change much. i am acceptive towards gays who do not show excessive niang-ness. for a moment i thot twas too much je influence, tho it's not gon sound too flatterin for them. still, i think their friendships are definetely enviable.

lesbians.. well, i guess evn back then i only approved lesbianism for the emotional part. it is definitely not difficult to knoe that a girl would understand another girl best, the emotions that we experience and our worst fear and all. yet, recently, i've been seein TOO many lesbian couples. with that i mean TOO MANY. i can like see TWO dozen just by strollin dwn orchard alone.. i am not exaggeratin. the worst part is, not only are the 'bungs', (i am tryin to be respectful here callin them 'bungs' tho i am damn tempted to address them as the low class creatures) idiots who are tryin to gain attention by being 'different', THEY ARE MF-ING SHORT! the reason why a girl would date another girl, a sane girl i mean, would definitely be she'd need a 'boyf' who is sensitive like a girl but physique almost like a guy? why would the girls wanna date some short fart who is tryin SO hard to act cool?! like, HELLO! dont be a 'bung' if you are short! and worst still, cos you totally cant make it as a girl and you think bein a bung is gon help you look better, whats more, thinkin that holdin a pretty girl nxt to you's gon make you look cool. omfg! kids these days!

with due respect to the real lesbians/gays, i really think it is nth wrong datin ppl of the same sex as long as you do not do anythg too disturbin to the public who might have no choice but to see your acts; in any case, evn to the heterosexual couples, you are NOT transparent if you do not realise, i think sometimes us, the public can do away with a lil less PDA, ESP UGLY COUPLES! omfg! imagine havin to endure an mrt ride sittin opposite TWO hideously UGLY FAT couples who makes sexual noises and touchin each others non-stop! ELLO! i'm not even gon ask you to get a room, get your asses back to your own rooms! gosh!

lets not digress cos of unsightly thgs, we shall only focus on the right issues. well, i just think one chooses how you want to love and if there are ppl who are really in love with the same sex and be lucky enough to have their love reciprocated, i really have no issue with that man. it's a personal choice. personally, i cant bear thinkin abt lesbian sex tho i cant totally imagine gay sex. hahaha! for me, heterosexual realationship, thanks cos i think i need more than emotional security. HAHAA!

on a lighter note, gosh, i really gotta admit that i am ~~old~~ more matured now, i am actually usin the FULL word lesbians instead of les like how i used to say.. half a decade ago? lol..

ok, last thg i wanted to talk abt friendships, gosh, i feel like i am writin essay. hmm, i just wanted to say that evrythg's so much easier whn you are just friends, no? it is a total different feelin and it is just great. cos being friends you can choose to be more irresponsible and choose to ignore another's feelin once in a while. thats all i gotta say. currently? now i am just kinda closin up again but as long as i think it is alright, what anybod say wont change my mind, unless you are that 'powerful'.

big trouble!

2008-04-21T23:57:00.002+08:00

alright, ssm really wasnt as bad.. i had no idea what i was so stressed abt. i guess i just didnt like others spoilin my mood but surprisingly i wasnt the very least affected. i gotta say whn mr goh suddenly shouted i was kinda shock, it's been long man, since somebod can raise their voice like this but fear found no space to squeeze into my puny brain cos it was too congested with image of the evil penguin cartoon. i really have no idea which character it is but well.. it was all that mattered durin the day.. i just gotta say i had fun, it was as if i went back to the cs trg days, durin the part time job trgs with ili and all. love! i just have a thg for fierce tchrs, as in i prefer havin fierce tchrs cos i am psycho enough to believe that the other side of them far surpasses their fierce side and i wanna be among those to experience it.

today babyt was like 'kickin' the whole time and the warm weather really didnt help alot man.. i was so afraid that i was this close to miscarryin babyt. hahaa! still, i think it is the most beautiful thg in the world! hoho.

anw i cant seem to get out of the whole vid thg alr.. not that i am over watchin. in fact, i am not watchin them anymore! and this is the prob now! my life just seems to be crashin after that due to the many reasons, some i am so clear myself has to do with my own cowardice.. i guess i just cant be that simple a person, i am just me..

i just wanna experience either one of those feelins, even if it is just once. it is worth the pain later, serious. call me greedy, if i can let it last for 6mths, 3's fine too and i'd be able to live with memories of it. as much as it seems impossible, i am just happy thinkin of it alone :))

i really didnt wanna blog alot cos i was really not in the best of state but ironically it is in this kinda state that i open up the most; really sayin what i really feel, believe or think.. it started a few weeks back.. i knew it, i just knew it whn i cudnt put my feelins into words, cant put many thgs into words.. the familiarity of it scares me so much i decided to pretend to overlook it. i even went as far as avoidin certain dramas belivin that i just didnt feel like watchin them just yet. who am i kiddin man?!

still, nth feels as good as watchin a gd drama and really cryin over it. i kinda think if the drama was really gd and the actor's actin's damn gd, etc. aint those tears a form of appreciation shown for that piece? alright, go ahead, say it is dumb..

and before i knoe it, i was sobbin like the waterfall. i had no idea if i was really still watchin the drama, vision blurred and thots floatin far away. i just paused the drama and sat there cryin for the nxt 5mins.. cryin is a real tirin thg but it is evn mroe effective than retail therapy.. i questioned alot of thgs, i asked God many questions. why make me go thru this? why do i feel like i am alone? show me the light, show me that there really is a reason for evrythg that i am goin thru now.. i need to see hints of light at the end of the darkness. after awhile, i calmed dwn, i came to my own conclusions.

i am thinkin if i wanna take days off school to actually prepare myself mentally to mixin with ppl again.. i am too used to bein in my own comfort zone too much', i can be so relaxed at home, centre-partin hair, big tees and shorts only, swaggerin at home just cos i am too tired to walk properly. it feels as babyt's my only emotional support now, the sense of satisfaction and pride i have in bt's just magnificient but i'd better not get hooked. afterall, too many babies really isnt too healthy..

SSM, new class

2008-04-21T03:40:00.001+08:00

SSM! mothercow! i just feel like screamin, as much as i am lookin forward to it comin, i am gettin pissed off with it. wanted to blog quite abit but cant now cos i am engrossed in some really meaninful convo with dicks. shall continue tmr, or rather tonight.

yes, new classmates, pls be nice to me. hahaha!

1h03'o7

2008-04-19T00:30:00.005+08:00

one yr just breezed past and it just feels wrong to be feelin the 'sadness' at this time of the yr. we are almost programmed to only feel sad that our classes are separatin at the end of the yr, not nowhr in the middle of the yr. well, this is no wonder since we alws change classes aft end of yr. prolly jap's endin of their school yr's similar to ours now, since it is april now.

it is amazin how human relationships are. after one whole yr, no matter how weird, irritatin or unclose you are with the ppl, the time spent together, whthr willingly or unwillingly, it matters, it makes a diff, cos it unconsciously becomes part of you. it becomes your precious memories and memories are all that we are made up of.

honestly, i am wonderin what will the new academic yr be like. will i still be complainin abt classmates and start feelin weird whn we needa split up again? i nv did regret makin the nasty comments to them tho sometimes i am just too stubborn to admit but at least i werent coatin my words with honey for the sake of it. i love how they played the angel-mortal game that i suggested tho i really am not sure how effective it was. i was just glad to see all that secretive movements ard class and it really looked adorable.

for the new class, i have shining and pearl. i cant say we are not close but we are not that close yet. i guess i'd miss that baby, her noisiness, her bossiness, her non-stop hyper acts and her sudden silence. before some idiots start bein sarcastic and say, "hey, you gon be in the same sch still man!" how bout start bein real and admit that we all knoe that bein in the same school really doesnt mean anythg in a poly, evn one as small as tp! tell me how often i gotta meet up with din in school. evn tho most of it might be cos i did not put in enough effort but it really isnt easy.

side trackin a lil, i rmb how my sec2 form tchr (she joined halfway, she wasnt our ft for the whole time) chided my class in a nice way when we were sobbin like mad on the last day of school cos we were all goin to different classes. her exact same words were, "why are all of you cryin so badly like you are never gonna see each other again? you will still be in the same school!" i mean, doesnt she get it? evrythg's gon be different, (we were the naughtiest class tho our sports achievements were among the tops; evrytime durin comp seasons, almost half the class can be gone) we couldnt rebel together, back each other up, raise our voices, make private jokes and spend the 'default' time as a class tgd anymore. we had to learn to live in another class and change, make new friends.
we ended up ignorin the ft and went on to share tidbits and our bondin games before gettin our report cards and comparin who had the worst rankin. well, our results were of cos one of the few bottoms too. instead of goin who got into top 40, we compared who were the bottom 40. hilarious! true enough, on the first day of sec3, despite bein in different classes, one thg remain constant in evy class with 2i students, we were the LOUDEST ppl. not that we intended to raise our voice but we were too used to havin the 'loud' girl in our class that we didnt realise our volume got pretty high over the yrs. all these memories came back whn i was reminiscin with dicky ytd.. :)

i dont knoe how i will change over the nxt school yr but i knoe some friendships are not up for expiration yet, if there is such a word =)) and i shall rmb i got babyt as a 1h03 stu! =D the milestone of my life.

continuation of ytd

2008-04-19T00:20:00.002+08:00

the car with LOTS coupons
dicky who've known me for more than half my life =))
medi (dont knoe the sp) from SP too! aka mrs yamashita
lbn, the lady who does our hair

eventful day

2008-04-18T02:25:00.003+08:00

ok, basically today is the timetable release day and i sweared i was really really disappointed with it. well, but that'l also mean i gotta accept thgs as they are. it was funny gettin to grumble abt it to mr png, laughin like a hyena with b. generally evrythg is really not as bad as it seems, i just needa get the zest to work towards that sth i am lookin forward to.

why i said today's an eventful day? from the wakin up late, to seein new intake, release of timetable, the pissdom, worryin, to havin a gd chat with somebod, to meetin dicks, to callengin myself and fulfillin what is required ( i am glad i didnt give up last min despite the humongous tension and fear then, anymore than that i'd really have sobbed a lil if not bawl), felt accomplished, got my sittin posture right, to havin a gd je 'discussion' with dicky and medi ( sorry, i really cant spell your name), to watchin k8 and their nonsense, then to namin my baby, watchin kame in one pound and becomin paedo cos of cute chinen ( which i thot was just kiddish-lookin all these while) lookin hot, to finally restin after a whole day of emotional rollercoaster ride.
anw i just wanna say i am glad dicks was ard to acc me thru my challenge, to overcome the fear and regain my confidence and courage. i swear what we did today meant more than what it seems, serious =)))))

alright, lets just let the pics do the talkin then x)

i'l edit it again tmr. i need slp

new blogskin AGAIN

2008-04-12T03:10:00.003+08:00

ok, since i've changed blogskin again.. i guess it is ok visually if i dont post any pics? =DD i have SO much to blog but it is alr 3plus now.. so i kinda lost the mood to.

i am like sufferin from 'thots-overload-syndrome'. i shall try to put everythg dwn tmr i guess. i managed to have an 'off-day' tmr.. cos my tuitions BOTH cancelled. damn... i need money, many MANY! since i have a free day tmr, it means i will be indulgin in videos again =DD this shall also mean i shall try to slp earlier today!

i was talkin to 'pudip' aka preena just now (she will KILLED me if she sees this. hehee..), we were bitchin abt how stupid qian is gettin her stupid sports car, how she will die faster cos sports car can go faster so whn she langgar the impact bigger, abt how we are all facin weird guys in school, decidin if cj guys were weirder or poly/private school guys were weirder (guess whats our conclusion? hoho.), etc. the amt of vulgarities i used in that convo was.. lets say, satifyin, how much is basically subjective x))

yes, thats all for today at least. i HAD to blog before i forget what it is like to blog.

try it!! x))

2008-04-09T01:59:00.005+08:00

alright, basically the rule of this 'game' is to just answer honestly and write down the first ans that comes to your mind. FUN!! =DD (ok, i knoe i am kinda bored but it is still fun!) try it in your own blogs!!! xD

What was your nickname when you were young?
honeyney, girl, ting, 2050
What did you want to be when you were young?
lawyer
What word would you use to describe yourself as a child?
screwloose
What is your earliest memory as a child?
runnin ard gramp's half-naked like some wild kid
What is the most unforgettable mistake you’ve made as a child?
embarrassin myself in front of my gramp, aunts and parents
When you were a child, who did you think was a star?
Leon Lai

What was the first thing you did when you woke up this morning?
rolled over and returned to slp
What is the worst half-awake experience you’ve ever had?
when i was under anesthetic and couldnt open my eyes properly; i had to keep askin my dad if i was dreamin or awake over and over again
What have you messed up lately that you are embarrassed to talk about?
my expenses (i never knoe whr my money goes to..)

What makes you think, “Ah, I am still a kid”?
when i choose to make an irrational choice; when i am cash-strapped; when i refuse to accept something and start dwellin on it when it is an inevitable fact
What makes you think, “Ah, I am just a mere human being”?
when i cannot help cryin non-stop, when i get depressed over the irony of a situation/circumstances
What makes you think, “Ah, I am a genius?”
when i solve the simplest problem and am happy about it (rocket scientist!)
What have you bought recently that made you think, “Ah, this is useful”?
headphones
What makes you think, “Arghh, I’m a useless person”?
when i had to retain in cj; when i cant think up a solution for a problem that i am concerned about
What is one thing you have to say but think, “Arghh, I can never say this!”?
i think you shud put some perfume on

What is the happiest moment in your life?
cj vs jj matches whereby we won the game as a team
What is the biggest luxury to you so far?
being hugged by someone who means it
What is “paradise” to you?
Johnny's Entertainment (jimusho)
What has made you angry recently?
files that refused to be downloaded successfully
What is the most tiresome thing now?
feelin hungry when it is time to slp

What is one thing you collect lately?
caps
What is one thing you wouldn’t want to lose?
ipod
What is the biggest turning point in your life so far?
May'o7
What would you be doing right now if you are not in poly now?
overseas
What would you like to try this coming summer?
get a tan by the pool and have a nice cool dip
What one thing you are proud of in your house?
my big toyogo box with wheels that stores all my bks, etc and can be wheeled ard =DD
When is it that you feel that you are petty?
others touchin my thgs when i dont feel like it

Which part of a man’s body do you look at first?
teeth (it is mainly the smile, the dimple and the eyes!!)
What habit of a man makes your heart pound?
keeps his room neat and tidy ('cos i am messy, i like THE man tidy. hahaha!)
What is the most shocking thing a man has ever said to you?
i knoe you get my intention but just not certain of what you want to do abt it (something along this line and he totally read me like a bk and i was scared out of my wits!)
What are the 3 conditions for a cool man?
'nasty', knoes what he wants, MCP
What is one thing that you look for in a man?
true to his emotions
What is your ideal date?
cuddlin in a clean and tidy room (actually i guess a messy one'd be fine too..)

When you turn 20, what is one thing you’d want to do?
varnish for a day. somewhere i can be alone and peaceful
What is one thing you’ve done recently for the first time?
actually laughin out loud at my lappy while i watch some vid clips
What is one letter that you’ve received so far that is stuck in your memory?
zee's xmas card, where she wrote sth abt berlin which i cant rmb now but was touched so was abit cryin =|
What is one thing that a guy does that will sweep you off your feet?
hug
What is one thing you’d compare yourself to when you are in love?
balloon
What is one catch phrase you’d give yourself now?
fail to plan, plan to fail
What is one surprise you’d give your boyf during his birthday?
gather his friends (preferably male) to hold a surprise party for him and leave them alone
What is one thing you’d do for your sick boyf?
dependin on his 'style', try coolin him porridge/food or just sit by his bed quietly to acc him while doin keepin myself occupied by watchin tv, readin, writin, etc
Name a trivia.
there is a higher chance of you dyin from slashin your wrists vertically than horizontally

:)

2008-04-07T00:59:00.004+08:00

this might just be the only no-song post, meanin that there might just be no song of the day. there really isnt a song that i feel like postin, more like suitable for this post.

recently, it seems that i am not watchin vids as much anymore. still watchin vids but not drama. i guess thats cos i attribute my late nights to the dramas but thgs aint changin much man. i am still slpin late, in fact, EVEN later! all these are no thanks to that BAKA sis of mine! who insists that i wake her up at 5am to mug. there she got it! usin muggin as an excuse so i cant deny her request and that'd also mean i gotta stay up another one hour or so just to wake her up. damnit, that one hour can kill me!

i just feel like visitin somewhere out of Singapore, or even live away from here. there is just this sudden urge but i knoe i wont do it. simply cos, the ppl matters. it is so weird, comin from me, somebod who insists that not many ppl are irreplaceable in my life (what a bitch, yes i knoe). yet, i hate meetin new ppl all over again, esp whn they dont grow up like me and i gotta learn to get used to them. this is also one reason why i'd nv imagine myself leavin Singapore, what a dumbass thinkin but yes, it's true = j actually i just feel like visitin somewhere with blue sea, clean sand and NOBODY! but this is terribly impossible in Singapore man. even out of the ctry, many places are flocked with tourists, how irksome. if only i can draw, then can sit at the nice nice beach and draw but first i gotta find that kinda beach first..

gosh, my nose is gon DROP for sure! i've been sneezin NON-STOP since like what? 1hour ago?! no joke, seriously no joke, it is killin me man.. still sneezin, still sneezin and my nose hurts for goodness sake.

surprise surprise, i am actually missin b and her noisiness. mayb i can finally take a break and really enjoy less human interaction. that kid's just has the ability to disturb at times :) i mean it's like she's one of the rare few that i still stay in touch with, as in the poly peeps. she'd call me up at the weirdest time evn if we were not scheduled to meet and catch me unaware and tell me some weird thg. even so, it is almost impossible to be angry with her. i guess thats her charm. still, the calls can get awkward cos after the excitement's over, we'l be like umm.. yep.. so? HAHAA! baka janeyo! hahaa!

i am just different with different ppl, with berlin i am ALWS noisy and loud. and berlin, i am warnin yall, no one, absolutely NO ONE! is to post that vid on your blogs! i will KILL! i dont care evn if yall are berlins, tell that kaitokid also! hahaha! [i think of the explanation for kaito and i wanna laugh -.-] i am like.. the fierce one? hahaha! as in the face only pls! hahaha! it is like how 10 of us got different 'images' partner is the blur cock! omg! her blurness can KILL! hahhaa!
with b on the other hand, i am horrible passive if we are not makin noise like freakin chill out, to the extent that i'd be like 'orh, mm, ah' sometimes but i guess it is fine with her. she is too hyper, hyper enough to make up for both. hahaa!

human relationships are such wonders, the way we are with different ppl. i sense myself makin no sense anymore but i think i've expressed what i wanted to say properly.. i think? hahaha! thats ALL!

berlinwall with no.10] from this pic, you can infer that mr no.10 is either blur or a total pig. HAHAA!

stop frownin!

2008-04-06T01:38:00.002+08:00

Sky

The you I love is wilful
The you I love is stubborn
The you I love is beautiful
Even when you get violent

You are perfect
With your imperfections
Your weaknesses
They are the reasons to my existence

You need not be with me forever
But let me go on being by your side
I don’t care how things between us changes
You may choose to be by the side of another
Just as long as you still wear that smile on your face
I am fine, really..

Song of the Day:
just a simple sweet song with the perfect beat to cheer me up x)) nth's been goin well since fri but whn thgs start spirallin dwnwards, it also means that thgs'l start to lookin up soon! =DD

Pieces of paper scattered all over the table,
Each and every one of them turns into my treasure,
for you scribble cute things on them.
Strange looking characters and portraits that don't do much justice.
Written in the pretty handwriting is your name,
and next to it is mine.
Your drawings aren't perfect,
but every one of them is dear to me.

How much capacity for me to take in everything?
How much space should I have in order to keep it all?
Am I sufficient right now?
I want to keep every single thing about us.
The figures left behind by each minute, each second.
Truth is, I want to be able to feel you on my left [side] all the time.
But you're not here,
so on lonely nights I try to make up for the empty space on my bed.
Like this.
Strumming my guitar, I turn my feelings into a melody…
That's always the case.
When you're not by my side,
I can't help but look for you.
My body remembers, reaching out for memories of you and going over them.
I want to be someone, who does not get influenced by anyone,
But right now I cannot put my money on it,
Because you live in my heart.
I'm sorry, but you're here, even now when I'm singing.
My head is full of thoughts of you.
And it would be great if it would change one day,
When one moment becomes forever…

Right now, the proof that you're one to two steps ahead of me,
Helps by breaking the growing silence.
You pretend to be amused listening to someone else's story,
But I want to continue seeing your smile so I swallow my words.
Am I naïve for wanting for more than I have now?
Are you going to suggest that I should be giving instead of receiving?
You can warn me that there is no such thing as forever,
But I want to shine with you,
Even if it's just for a moment.
I'll show you that I can protect every element that colors you.
I'll be by your side no matter what.
I will take away every little thing that saddens you,
So let this love last a little longer….
I built up my courage and said the words I could hold in no longer.
What was supposed to have been "I love you…"
Subconsciously, the command from my brain was altered into my very own code.
One day, will I be able to tell you my feelings with confidence?
Will I be able to stay as someone you are proud to call your own.
With you beside me,
I feel like anything is possible.
I'll send you my love…. ♥

にほんごのぽすと

2008-04-05T01:09:00.005+08:00

これわ正しいあたしもわかない
あたししなさいばかり感じる
今日わ都合が悪いです、本当に悪い
歌も悲しそうな歌お聞く

今日の歌：
亮ちゃんの三月九日

In the middle of the changing season,
I casually feel how long the day is.

In the midst of the restless busy days,
You and I paint our dream.

Place our love on the wind of March,
A cherry blossom sprout will move on into Spring.

Little specs of overflowing light
Warm up the morning little by little.

Beside you, I’m a little embarrassed
After a huge yawn.

Standing at the entrance to a new world
What I noticed was that I wasn't alone.

By closing my eyes,
The 'you' whom I see behind my eyelids
Has somehow helped me become stronger, right?
I also want to be like that for you.

By closing my eyes,
The 'you' whom I see behind my eyelids
Has somehow helped me become stronger..

right here waitin..

2008-04-04T00:10:00.006+08:00

ok, i really cant think of a better title and a slpy and tired pk is almost as good as dead, just that she wont flare, totally cannot be bothered. anw stupid b, said i chaolao today.. kns. fine, since i called her that for the whole yr, shall let her call awhile. i am FUCKIN tired la. cheee...$%#@* dont care la, i wanna slp alr. frustrating can?! it sucks goin to bed with a heavy heart, or isit heavy mind? whatever la, one of those two feels heavy. taa~!

song of the day:
doesnt this song sound beautiful? :)) i needa rmb to load it to my damn ipod

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

thank-you

2008-04-03T04:46:00.004+08:00

The dreams we shared,
The future we spoke of.
They were all our shared memories.
Yet where are they now.
Why do I feel so far away
Despite having you right beside me?

All the sacrifices we’ve made,
Just to stay together.
To be by each others’ side,
No matter what may come.
The hardship we endured,
Just to reach this final destination.
We lost the joy from before
What is left behind is emptiness,
The hollow feeling of being alone.

What caused the change,
Where is the problem?
Why don’t we talk like before?
We don’t even smile like we used to.
Where is that familiar laughter?
Just exactly what went wrong?
The days we spent together,
Are they just worthless memories,
Easily kidnapped by the wind?

The times we laughed so hard,
We fell to the ground in pain.
The times we cried so hard,
We soaked each others’ shoulders.

Right here, it hurts.
Does it pain you too?
Am I the only one
Who remembers?
The way our heart felt,
The way we stood by each other,
Putting the other before ourselves.

rhythm of life

2008-04-02T19:53:00.008+08:00

hmm.. today i just felt like bloggin but really dont knoe what to blog abt so i am just takin up the space here xD

i am TOTALLY hooked on kizuna.. i love how it sounds so sad to me [x j]it is a song titled bond. in the case of this, the song was talkin abt their friendship abt how they put each other before themselves. sweeet~ it was the insert song for gokusen II. honestly i thot the beginnin of the show was like BLAHH~! cos it felt so repetitive, student get into trouble, tchr comes and whack the hell outta the opponents and happy endin all over again. it was only until like ep.9 or so that it felt like a wonderful show. i mean it wasnt like i had to endure the front part but was just lackin in the 'touchin' factor alr.

well anw, it felt different cos it didnt touch me like how gokusen I did, like how the tchr found out abt the issues of the students. in the first series as they had that tchr from the beginnin so you could see the trust but the second the tchr was only a relief for the last 3mths of their high school life so as much as you can see them trust her, the feel was different.

oh yeah, why i sddnly got hooked on that song. i mean it was playin all thru-out the damn drama and it did have that sad feelin but the feel was amplified at the part whn the tchr asked ryu [odagiri ryu aka kamenashi kazuya] why does he continue to keep to himself. my heart broke the moment he said, "i dont knoe myself." considerin that kame's not like my fav actor, i was touched by that scene. for one, i inferred it as he doesnt knoe himself but at the same time, he doesnt knoe how to open up to his friends even tho they were the most impt ppl to him at that point of time [sad!!! x(] at the same time, you see his friends fightin so hard for him.. friendships like those are hard to come by. in actual fact, i really think they only exist in dramas. *shruggs. hahaa!

on the other hand, seriously, kame looks DAMN niang in gokusen!!! damn damn DAMN niang. he looked more and more niang as the show goes but it seems that for one pound gospel he looked better. for one, his brows werent like thinly trimmed. amazin~!

OH! other than crunchyroll, it seems that veoh tv is as gd but it has quite alot of dramas that crunchyroll stopped streamin! and they are all pretty clear.. but i didnt watch from the site, well, yall just check it out from their site and you will knoe, shant mention too much here, later police catch! hahaha! i'm high on chocs.. blahh~!

yep, another trivial, the tchr in gokusen, she's actually the wife of SMAP's leader. yes, the grp with takuya kimura. damn sad, ppl only knoe him in the grp. hoho.

song of the day:

sweet lyrics abt brotherhood, otoko no yuujou. coincidentally, the kanji for yuujou is the same word with the same meanin as 友情. nice~

English

No matter how much you think about the future
No one can see the truth
A void? Something's stuck in my heart
I kept repeating my mistakes

Just one step at a time; don't let go of my hand
The days we spent together still live
Even if we're torn apart till we're ragged
That time, that place, this bond won't disappear

Making sure we don't lose it in the flow of time
Our true feelings pass and bump against each other
My heart feels heavy for him
That we met is the miracle I longed for

The pain of not even being able to stand still
We're connected by the light we saw inside
It's okay if you lied; it's okay if you cry
That time, that place, this bond won't disappear

Just one step at a time; don't let go of my hand
The days we spent together still live
Even if we're torn apart til we're ragged
That time, that place, this bond won't disappear

Romaji

Saki no koto dorehodo ni kangaete itemo
Hontou no koto nante dare ni mo mienai
Kuuhaku? Kokoro ni nanika ga tsumatte
Ayamachi bakari kurikaeshiteta

Ippo zutsu de ii sa kono te wo hanasazu ni
Tomo ni ayunda hibi ga ikitsuzuketeru kara
Boroboro ni naru made hikisakarete itemo
Ano toki no ano basho kienai kono kizuna

Nagare yuku toki no naka ushinawanu you ni
Surechigai butsukatta hontou no kimochi
Kokoro ni shimiteku aitsu no omoi ni
Deaeta koto ga motometa kiseki

Tachidomaru koto sae dekinai kurushisa no
Naka ni mieta hikari tsunagatte iru kara
Uso tsuita tte ii sa namida nagashite ii kara
Ano tokiAno toki no ano basho kienai kono kizuna

Ippo zutsu de ii sa kono te wo hanasazu ni
Tomo ni ayunda hibi ga ikitsuzuketeru kara
Boroboro ni naru made hikisakarete itemo
Ano toki no ano basho kienai kono kizuna

...

2008-04-01T22:13:00.006+08:00

today was an uber unfruitful day.. not that i wasted it watchin videos but surprisingly, i didnt even manage to really watch videos. the videos were playin but nth was goin in.. thots were runnin wild in my head.. what'd have happened if things were like these, who'l be the ppl i'l be meetin now? will i still be who i am now? will evrythg be different? will i achieve more? more questions but no ans.

i came across somebod's entry abt graduation and enterin the society.. (maybe it is too much of gokusen ne! will talk abt that laters) i have definitely postponed my entrance to the society, not that i'd really love to enter it soon. somehow i just have a gut feelin that enterin the society will result in me losin myself but that really isnt the point now yo. i mean, i feel as if i can relate to the person bloggin, watchin from afar as one's friend take on a totally different path from you. somehow i guess i respected the person for still soundin ok (or maybe it was just a pretence OR the person just has slow reaction like ME -.-) anyhow, that was just what sparked my total emoness. dumb as it is, it just made me feel blehh!

i had actually thot abt this issues quite some time ago.. somewhr in the middle of this hols.. i mean of cos i have friends like feli who'd be downright honest and go, "see la, cleverest amongst us, Os do so well and now then come poly whn i am graduatin.." hahaha! i thot it really didnt matter, i meant her comments. somehow i am fine with all these kinda comments tho they just deal you with a HUGE blow. cos only ppl close enough can be honest with you abt what they think.

the thg now isnt that i regret goin to cj.. maybe? i mean i love the ppl i meant there, the things i learnt there besides academics, it'd have been totally different in another school but what i cant get over is the lag that i am facin.. on the other hand, if i had went to SIM straight.. i wouldnt be doin what i enjoy now.. meetin cool tutors, with the knowledge, experiences and the zest. all i can say's mayb life just isnt as smooth-sailin as we expect it to be.

really dont knoe what the hell is wrong with me but mayb i've just been thinkin too much.. mayb a smile will solve all the probs x)

song of the day:

wordy entry x)

2008-03-30T02:21:00.013+08:00

met up with b today to cut her stupid fringe.. i think i am SO easy-goin whn it comes to cuttin hair. HAHAA! we talked abit abt stuffs, classmates, rui and what-nots. twas surprised at how open i am today, i was really tired.. i shut off by 3pm.. so i really cant rmb what happened but i knoe i went home with a smile listenin to 'zukkoke otokomichi'.

nene, honestly, i was shocked at how we actually think alike. SUGE~! also, i am just shocked at how calm i can handle certain situations. i am not becomin immune or whatsoever, not stoneded but more like i just wanna keep it inside and hope the magnitude of the emotion die down fast. thats all x))

basically, you can say i am a happy person and i really dont care what i really blog now, as in, at least they are honest words, from the bottom of my heart. of cos i knoe it is borin without pics but i really love expressin thgs in my own words tho lettin others infer from pics seem like a cool idea. still, loadin pics are so time-consumin! i'd rather spend the time video-ing. hehs!

atashi no tachi wa sekai ichiban, daisuki desu! xDD

song of the day =DD :

this song is really great cos if you noticed, i go for the 'conflict' in thgs and that seems like the concept of this song (from MY point of view). the tune and the way the singers sing it sounds UBER hyper and happy but if you actually read the lyrics, you'd find the song beautiful, at least i did. it really isnt easy singin such mengful lyrics in the those comical tone. for one, i think it take more efforts and energy to act funny than cool.

Sadness and worries
It seems that everyone has at least some of them

With a depressed face, you sigh again
Sadness and loneliness, you face it and live on

It’s not just you, you know
If that is a good explanation, it’s enough

To do your best, that single phrase
Doesn’t it make your life harder?

Yay!

If I laugh
You will laugh, so
If you laugh
Someone else will laugh too, you know

Giggles x4
Ahaha ahaha
Wahaha wahaha

This is fun~

Just like your yawn passes on to me
That smiling face ties us together too, I think

I have a hunch that I will make it
I have a hunch that I will make it

It’s not a big deal though

If I laugh
You will laugh, so
If you laugh
Someone else will laugh too, you know

Like those clouds up in the sky
It would be great if all sadness disappeared

It would be nice~

I want it to be a happy heartbeat

If I laugh
You will laugh, so
If you laugh
Someone else will laugh too, you know

Like that clear blue in the sky
It would be great if all sadness disappeared

It would be nice~

Giggles x4
Ahaha ahaha
Wahaha wahaha

also, this hols i am happier =DD still bothered by many trivial issues but at least i have enough energy, courage or whatsoever to smile and be happy! but.. the work hard part is sure lackin this hols yo. i mean if before hols i put in say.. 30% effort into livin my life, this hols it sure dropped drastically to 15%.. still, i will buck up ne! wuush! x j

lost

2008-03-28T01:14:00.008+08:00

it is not the first time but the feelin of wantin to tell of a feelin but cant find someone to tell. this feelin sucks. it's as if you cant tell others cos they either get shocked at how different you are from their impression or they worry unduly.. still, the action that resulted in me feelin so down is the worst of all these. it need not have been this way but since it happened, i guess there shud be an end to all these emotions, lockin evrythg away.
the last time i actually felt so bad was sec3 end and thgs started goin downhill for us. of cos, how it ended we all knoe.. mayb it is me but it sure doesnt matter now. nothing lasts forever, at the end of the day, we are only responsible for ourselves.
i am really in no mood to like post pics today, i'd prolly spam another day :))

and yes, today i was still VERY happy to meet up with dicks, had my hair cut. tho i seriously think i am gon have some serious prob with my hair come school reopen but heck it. love how we laughed all the way back to my hse. hahaa! nearly runnin dwn an (amk) uncle or two. it is not that her drivin sucks but the main thing lies in it is an AMK uncle. HAHAHA! :DD

song of the day:

saturated

2008-03-27T02:46:00.004+08:00

alot of thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc. runnin thru my head. it's kinda difficult to put evrythg down in words but there are just so many things happenin inside.
my blogskin's a BIG headache by itself but i cant find anythg better.. if this goes on, mayb i'l just try changin site.. the problem arises cos i insist on havin the music link but the recent skins are all full of navigations, which mean i cant get the song to auto play durin my posts. comin to think of it now.. it might be a gd idea, then evrytime i can insert a new song in every post =))

like i said, my brain is like horribly saturated now. there are so many issues that i am reflectin abt, issues that may not even be close to my life, issues that are trivial, serious, simply everything.. many of them i dont knoe how to 'pen' it out, others, they are not suitable to be posted on a blog, at least not this.

also, at this stage, i cannot say for sure if i can kick the habit of watchin videos.. or the constant thots of wantin to get home to watch the videos at night.. i'm actually bloggin now cos i am watitin for the video to load, basically now my life resolve ard video-ing. cheers.

but one thing for sure, i hate the feelin of doin the opposite of what your heart wants you to..

met up with the groupies today, shall upload the pics another day, i am really drained today.. we talked abt some stuff as usual and our meetups are ALWS filled with laughters, every single moment and it's genuine laughters, thats what makes it special =)) and we kinda came to a conclusion that no matter how brave or strong a girl is, when she really falls in love, she'l become weak and dependent..

frustratin~!

2008-03-24T02:18:00.003+08:00

this is bloody irritatin, i really have no idea why in the world my internet connection suddenly got turtle slow! i swear, it is totally NOT loadin at all. God knoes whats the reason for that.. all i am hopin for is that the situation'd get better on fri since my connection's supposed to get faster by fri.

oh, and i think i better mention. one of my hp's bein cranky, actually, BOTH. i seriously think it might be because i am droppin them too much. yep, so if i am not replyin or etc, my hp's NOT functionin. sorry~ mayb it is just time to start huntin for another hp. hoho! i am lookin for flip, slim ones but lookin at the market now.. it is not very possible aight?

ok, i really dont have anythg much to blog abt anw.. unless puttin evrythg dwn in words here will make my secret desires come thru.. if not, ja ne.

marathon.

2008-03-21T03:14:00.014+08:00

well, since i am waitin for my show to finish loadin, which is takin UBER long.. i decided to post again. honestly, i am missin the feel of x-ctry run.. the feel of runnin alone, yet, not quite alone just feels heavenly but at the same time is the worst feelin in the world. to go on runnin, you'l feel drained out but to stop, you'd immediately feel the weariness takin a toll on your whole body. the fight to keep goin and constantly fight the thot of givin up just wears one dwn badly.

however, the feel of competition is just great, fightin another person but not hurtin him/her physical. competin to see who is stronger both physically and mentally. i am not one who'd compete unless i am confident of myself. of cos, i have ran feelin nervous and unsure of myself but honestly, i hafnt lost before x) hafnt lost to myself, just yet. i might have regrets after a race but i alws knoe i've given my all. thats prolly the few times whn i'd push to my max.

wont forget the macritchie runs, the start, the process, the irritatin passin vehicles, the stubborn person in me who refuses to lose out, havin to calculate just how much i can push and accelerate, the endin sprint, the expressway that never seems to end, the cheerin crowd, familiar faces, the final line, the end, the drained out body that collapses and endearin seniors/friends who'd help me register, the satisfaction, the exhausted body, the sense of achievement. evrythg, all in all, that is prolly totally worth the nervousness i get beforehand. i WANT to run, i NEED to run but at current stage, i just cant, cos i'd just end up bein very disappointed in myself. i expect too much from my own timin.

the first time i ran for my x-ctry, not national of cos, i am not that gd yet yo.. twas cedar's i set my own standard and i really dont want it goin anymore lower than i had before but i really lack the trainin now. damn, i really hate it..

it really feels great now that i can blog freely, ignorin what others would think, read and infere from my blog. in fact, i am just bloggin directly from the thots in my mind so if i actually sounded cocky, seriously, too bad..

my hand still smells of the sticks. SHIAT!

babysis

2008-03-21T01:43:00.003+08:00

just had this SUPER long talk with my sis over the japanese entertainment and we were like comparin how much we were spendin on all these celebrities.. final conclusion? mine was more worth it.. i mean, there was more to my spendin and i was explainin to her the reasons behind it.. that kid actually listened and started discussin with me the lives of these idols, the facade and the irony behind 'their' lives that need not belong to them anymore.. well, babysis has grown up, hasnt she? and all these started from sky of love -.-

well, cheers for sisterly love, lets all forget abt the bitchy times for the time bein.. i am SO confident of convertin her to a je fan. wahaha! i mean, from sky of love we sidetracked to je cos she said pi was hot! well, it's yamapi we're talkin abt yeah. hahaha! cos i was walkin kuro and that lil one peeped. hahaa! so i was tellin her he is one of the rare few jes that you'd see and go, "hey, thats a hottie". surprise surprise, i showed her my k8 calendar and she said ryo-chan's hot! =DDD it must be the black and white effect of the pic, not that ryo-chan's not hot enough but i sure wont expect anybod to say he's hot at the first look, cos i didnt =X

we talked abt utahime also, some show w tomo and surprisingly she understood the emotion i was tryin to tell her, tho not fully but she got the gist.. she ended up tellin me some stupid love letter thg in her school. well, those gd old days spent in sec school's sth far beyond my reach now but it's cool to be hearin thgs that i've went thru w my friends before happenin to my sis. i dont knoe how much she knoes or her idea of love. i mean she is sec 4 and what she is goin thru in a mixed school is definitely different from what i went thru in cedar, so whn we touch on the topic love, i am still very cautious.. but i'd love to watch the girl cry durin love shows.. we are alike in this sense, we hate to watch love shows at home cos we dont wanna cry in the 'open'. as in right in the face of our family members. hahaha! for one, we are TOTALLY different from mommy dear. hahaaa!

links

2008-03-20T00:51:00.005+08:00

as it cant be seen, i have finally got my big fat ass away from drama-ing and changed my blogskin FINALLY. evrythg's nice and i really feel like a genius for bein able to make the changes to the skins to my own preferences cos the original skin is really not like that.. ok, it doesnt have THAT much of differences but for me to make this much of changes is a big, BIG thg. anw, evrythg's perfect except for the links part.. i'd need folks to start floodin in your links. thanks!! =DDD

met up with the rest

2008-03-19T23:08:00.006+08:00

wahaha

2008-03-19T02:31:00.009+08:00

Sadness and worries
It seems that everyone has at least some of them

With a depressed face, you sigh again
Sadness and loneliness, you embrace them and live on

It's not just you, you know
If that is a good explanation, it's enough

To do your best, that single phrase
Doesn't it make your life harder?

Yay

If I laugh
You will laugh, so
If you laugh
Someone else will laugh too, you know

Keta keta keta keta
Ahaha ahaha
Wahaha wahaha

This is fun~~

Just like your yawn passes on to me

That smiling face ties us together too, I think

I have a hunch that I will make it I have a hunch that I will make it

It's not a big deal though

If I laugh
You will laugh, so
If you laugh
Someone else will laugh too, you know

Like those clouds up in the sky
It would be great if all sadness disappeared

It would be nice

Even when you force yourself to laugh
Even if you are laughed at and told it is meaningless

If you can laugh at them
Then they will run and disappear

I make up my mind in this chest, saying I will survive
The sound that makes me stand now

It's not sadness or hatred

I want it to be a happy heartbeat

If I laugh
You will laugh, so
If you laugh
Someone else will laugh too, you know

Like that clear blue in the sky
It would be great if all sadness disappeared

It would be nice

Keta keta keta keta
Ahaha ahaha
Wahaha wahaha

i just thot the lyrics were great, to make evryday's unhappiness sound so light-hearted and.. happy? just by listenin to the song, you sure wont be able to tell that it is a song with sucha 'serious' meanin behind it.. you might just be able to spot some hints in the pv but definitely not the song itself. i just love listenin to the song just before i go to bed or whn i am feelin really dwn.. the rhythm and all just cheers me up a lil, coupled with the 'meaninful' lyrics, perfect!

nobody'd expect bein a happy person to be sucha uphill task.

dont lie, never ever do that cos i cant take it and i'd really hate to be on the receivin end of it. i am very selfish, very very selfish. i cant promise to alws be there for you or solve all your probs but once you ask for it, i will almost definitely do my best. it's just like the quote in the show, "ask and it will be given". i cant explain how selfish i can get but the whole time i am actually reflectin on all my acts, selfish is the only word to explain it.
i hate to share my best friend. of cos it is fine to share best friends amongst best friends but anythg more than that is unacceptable. i am wilful and selfish, i get angry really easily but i dislike showin it. this'd simply result in me compilin all the grudges, unhappiness and there really is no tellin to whn i'd flare and give up on a friendship. sadly, that is how i work, it's the same way with relationship, once i give it up, we'l revert back to normal friends, we may not evn be best of friends. i dont even knoe what am i blabberin abt now.

mean ppl sucks! mean ppl sucks! seriously.. in the process of bein mean, they are inflictin pain on themselves, it's totally unworth the efforts..

nights

TP Dance

2008-03-16T11:06:00.000+08:00

basically was a day of runnin ard, just to get D's bday present and endin with the TP Dance Concert.. the photos are all jumbled up, coupled with a few 'ho pics durin the interval..

these are some of the photos from first half of the concert but i kinda set the cam to the wrong mood so they were kinda blur-ish. i dont have pics from the second half cos i was takin the videos instead.

i cant rmb what i had intended to blog ytd, will prolly combine the entries whn i can finally open my bitchy words.

hols was basically a time for me to totally video like MAD! i have almost completed all the dramas i can basically get my hands on.. i am still lookin to get my hands on kurosagi..!
i'm really not sure isit me or the dramas that i am watchin. basically i can be bawlin on and off watchin these dramas! mad! and i literally mean bawl.. somehow i just cry like a big baby throwin tantrum.. imagine! actually, it's better not to.

i mean what am i to do? oe of the mini-drama was on teamspirit, which is a total killer for me.. the training they supposedly go thru and all, the feelin on a baton hittin one's hand (10x50), the beach runs (nball), the decision between friendship and victory, THE moment right after the race, evrythg.. my heart simply stopped evrytime they were havin their race cos i gotta admit the editor/director/whosoever did an uber gd job in portrayin the races. i dont knoe abt others but i especially love scenes whrby they show the process of a sport in detail. the drama had slowmo-ed scenes whn they were passin the batons, the overtakin, the final stretch of the 4by1. i noticed that it seems, something i've observed, that guys' 4by1 relay's alws seems to be more excitin and closely matched compared to the women's. that kinda adrenaline flow just makes me suspect that i have WEAK heart!

alright, mayb the cast look totally unappealin, ZETTAI~ ugly but the whole kick from their filmin of the track scenes are HOT! with the blue track, evrythg blue.. gosh, as much as i am concerned, blue equates to school colour, school spirit (cedar, cj). the familiar cries of cheerin durin impt moments, the "FIGHTO! FIGHTO!", just sounds so inspire, like how we used to shout "FIRE! the FIRE!" codes that only we understood, words only we felt for.. oouuu.. old school.. i left cedar for FOUR years alr! unbelievable -.-

the other drama was kinda like your typical love story.. but who says one cant cry over your typical love story, whats more, bawl over it. hahaha! the lead lost memory due to war, falls in love with a girl almost ten yrs younger. well, not surprisin since they practically live under the same roof, they do.
just whn evrythg's fine and goin smoothly, the leads fallin in love.. yes, you got it, the WIFE appeared, wife from the time before lead lost his memory.. blahh.. what follows is definitely gon be heart-wrenchin and i dont have the courage to watch on, how wimp!

i dont knoe how it happened but i've become sucha crybaby, i cry over evrythg!, in the drama that is. in real life i can still control pretty well. i rmb i nv did shed a tear whn i watched sad shows.. i guess it all started with autumn in my heart, the qiutiandetonghua.. the pioneer of tearjerkers. hahaa! still rmb the classic o~ppa~!? hahaha! i only watched the cryin parts then cudnt stadn the long-windedness and how evrybod died in the end. die from gettin banged by truck. gosh...

alright, i kinda rmb i wanted to blog on ppl.. cant really rmb what i wanted to blog on. well, you see, i alws wanna blog on thgs that i am thinkin while i am travellin or walkin but am too lazy to whip out my hp or notebk to jot dwn what i wanna write abt..

i knoe there's sth abt me bein grateful for the friends that i have so far.. nigger, moozy (different from maozee), the bangla, scooby, huey, love, kor, bw, b and.. and.. and i really cant rmb.. well, there are more guys amg but thats the beauty of it. we cant stay angry at each other for long, we see two sides of a situation, we learn to accept each others' difference. like how i have to learn that they can be sensitive but at the same time, super prone to goin overboard. mayb put it simple, i love how our friendships are kept simple with minimal politics and maximal protection. evrybod tryin to do their part to protect and prevent another from gettin hurt. at times of needs, you'l alws find the shoulder or the support you need. isnt this kinda friendships just amazin and precious? company is literally one phone call or a msg away, there'd be no questions asked as to why you failed to contact them all these time, just a simple 'i was really caught up with school' or whatsoever reason that is nth but the truth is sufficient. we dont have to msg each other 24/7, just a random msg from time to time to show that we still rmb each other, thats enough. yet, we are definitely not to take each other for granted.. like duh! they'd be no, why are you so.. 'like that?' or 'you shudnt do this! what would others think of us' but instead the frequent concern for each other.
of cos there are the ppl that i can have h2h talk to. we dont have to be close friends but ppl who happen to sddnly clique on the same frequency, thats all that matters.

ok, i totally dont knoe whr this post is goin anymore but i will prolly blog proper abt my friends in another post cos i really really needa go back to my drama. well then, ja na!

summarised

2008-03-15T03:20:00.004+08:00

late
need slp
no time blog
summarise
utahime
heartbreak
jingle
taro-to-suzu tarotaro rinrinrin
isshun no kaze ni nare
tuition
present
dance
late
slp
drama
hack
nigger
longer post
jot dwn
zombified
wind
breeze
bliss
enjoy
tanoshikatta
gohan
food
shoppin
caps
shades
leather jacket
scarfs
bakayaro
random

-owari-

bitchy tudou

2008-03-14T01:57:00.010+08:00

stupid bean!!! maintain what rubbish! cant they freakin maintain at 4am?! this is horribly bad.. i am so reliant on one site and i actually think that is bad cos if situations like this happen more often and i am dead.. i think i shud just brush up on my jap just so i can rely lesser on subs as well.. i am practically readin my jap-el dictionary like a bk, thats kinda funny.

ok, since i promised dicky to post the kurosagi pic, i better do it now before i forget abt it later..

ok, dicks, it's done!!! =DD sorry this pic totally dont do justice to the original. i swear it is SO glossy and 'real' that whn i opened i was like HEH!?

i was watchin this particular drama before that stupid bean decided to maintain itself. it is a drama on sports, more like minidrama on track and soccer. it is more on track i guess, all that trainin.. gosh, my goosepimples all stood up.. the familiarity of the trainin, the wind gushin thru the runner's face and body, pure bliss! for me, runnin as in competitively requires me to really focus and to keep pushin. one slight distraction or weird thoughts runnin thru my brain, chances are i'd screw it. of cos, knowin me, i runnin better chasin after another person, more of another friend. i lack the determination for track.. something is just lackin. compared to netball, it is definitely more monotonous. it requires alot of self-motivation but i cant deny that i am startin to miss sports..

i watched the drama partly because ryo-chan's actin as well xP it's not uncommon to do so! serious! hahaha! oh, if you're gon ask what happened to all the tbaby craze, it's not gon, dont worry, still prefer tbaby more! hahaha! so if you're gon help me kidnap i wont mine tbaby but ryo-chan smaller, easier to hide. HAHAHA! crappish! it is just that cos tokio(the band tbaby's in)'s a more senior grp, there is not so much exposure. well, how do i put it.. they are still havin their singles and such, advertisements, yada yada but well, you get me, dont you?

and i got hooked on another of ryo-chan's song! it's called stereo, i guess i'm more hooked on the drums part. it is just your very basic hits but.. i just like it's rhythm.. and i think i managed to figure out the sequence of it somehow cos i think that was the basic drummin aloy taught me! eggcited!!! stupid, i got quite a few drummer friends and evrybod's willin to teach me but somehow after FOUR years! i still knoe nuts abt drummin, sad case! i had wanted to post a vid of the song here but on second thots, mayb not. i mean it's such a waste if nobod's gon appreciate it and it'd just further magnify my jap craziness, i knoe it is bad enough now but there are reasons why i am still indulge in it! i am not somebod who enjoys gettin hooked on sth thats gon affect myself adversely. i think only prolly dick understands, i hope bw does too! x))

somehow this post just gotta kinda emo.. rahh!` no gd!!! anw did i mention that it does get frustratin go thru the dict learnin new jap words?! cos there are like a lot of jap words which are direct translation of an english word! and i can end up learnin how to read english words in jap for almost half a page. i nearly flared. but it might just makin learnin easier? cos it is mostly words i alr knoe.. wells.

i needa slp early! [right, and i am still bloggin now..] my face is totally decomposin and recently i am just pinnin my fringe up cos it is too long to be left hangin anymore, i look like some messy, crazy woman!

Pieces of paper scattered all over the table,
Each and every one of them turns into my treasure,
for you scribble cute things on them.
Strange looking characters and portraits that don't do much justice.
Written in the pretty handwriting is your name,
and next to it is mine.
Your drawings aren't perfect,
but every one of them is dear to me.

How much capacity for me to take in everything?
How much space should I have in order to keep it all?
Am I sufficient right now?
I want to keep every single thing about us.
The figures left behind by each minute, each second.
Truth is, I want to be able to feel you on my left [side] all the time.
But you're not here,
so on lonely nights I try to make up for the empty space on my bed.
Like this.
Strumming my guitar, I turn my feelings into a melody…
That's always the case.
When you're not by my side,
I can't help but look for you.
My body remembers, reaching out for memories of you and going over them.
I want to be someone, who does not get influenced by anyone,
But right now I cannot put my money on it,
Because you live in my heart.
I'm sorry, but you're here, even now when I'm singing.
My head is full of thoughts of you.
And it would be great if it would change one day,
When one moment becomes forever…

Right now, the proof that you're one to two steps ahead of me,
Helps by breaking the growing silence.
You pretend to be amused listening to someone else's story,
But I want to continue seeing your smile so I swallow my words.
Am I naïve for wanting for more than I have now?
Are you going to suggest that I should be giving instead of receiving?
You can warn me that there is no such thing as forever,
But I want to shine with you,
Even if it's just for a moment.
I'll show you that I can protect every element that colors you.
I'll be by your side no matter what.
I will take away every little thing that saddens you,
So let this love last a little longer….
I built up my courage and said the words I could hold in no longer.
What was supposed to have been "I love you…"
Subconsciously, the command from my brain was altered into my very own code.
One day, will I be able to tell you my feelings with confidence?
Will I be able to stay as someone you are proud to call your own.
With you beside me,
I feel like anything is possible.
I'll send you my love…. ♥

open wound

2008-03-13T01:14:00.004+08:00

i peeled off the heelin scarp accidentally. a healin wound that has started to bleed profusely once again.

bad day
late
lack of spirit
emoness overload
impracticality
brain overload
jam
i still choke whn i talk of the past
wasureru
cant bear to think back
tsuranukumasu
lack of courage
sms
mass
uwahh!
@#!%&*+
zettai kitaihazure na seiseki
jukenshiyou to suru
ai nante
nice symbol
sukiyanen!
wahahaa
role model
disappointment = expectation?
stop expectin?
eh?! dame ne!
keep track
cliff-hangin
*winks!
pottery on tv
nande?!
baka-ish lookin
hohoho
ugly
MINIKUI!
golden mouse
award
ichi rittoru no namida
NAMIDA
suki desu, DAIsuki
a seemingly innocent question
shockingly disturbin consequence
stay away from bitchin
zen
ipod
just smile
sunshine
yellow
RYO-chan! =DD
zee's love
mochi
connin!
lowell study
whr is dicky?
brain cranky
kaypoh!

-owari-

sorry, dont knoe what to blog and in no mood to blog, so just make do x)

'photoblog'

2008-03-11T21:51:00.010+08:00

pic spam

2008-03-10T00:40:00.008+08:00

pic spam!!! alright, i realised i have quite some pics i shud start postin or my this blog will be a real bore. i am havin fun shuttlin to and fro lj and blogspot now, no wretch, thats a terror, might consider photoblog tho, kinda like the idea.

whorin at gramp's
that day at k partyworld
trio's [i think we totally love to take three person pics; and we choose to believe that it is not auspicious -.- weirdos. wahahaa!]
'ryo-chan all over' i just HAVE to post this x j
NEW CAM! [the one in black] we actually took less than 5mins to buy; and that includes the choosin time. SUGOI~!
the quality of pics usin the new cam

just some random pics on what i've been up to these few days, at least for the hols so far and some from before, it is just a jpl post, with evrythg thrown in like rojak =D

tmr i'm so gon be broke! i'm gon make a trip dwn to kino and just that trip alone will cost me.. -calculatin- abt.. -still calculatin~- abt 145bucks?! omedetou~! i am totally burnin a BIG hole in my own pocket! lets see, i am payin the remainin 47 for my calendars (which kino called SIX times to inform me that they've arrived, i dont knoe to call them efficient or irritatin), 45 for my mags, return dicks 29, abt 24 for my jap-chinese dicts cos i think jap-chinese trans are more accurate compared to english. OH! i forgot abt the tokio dv! and thats 40 by itself! so now it's 1-8-5! dies!!! thats like practically 200bucks gone in a day!!! now, i have yet to include my expenses for food, i am DEAD! i eat like a pig these days, at least 4 meals plus heavy munchin evry one hour! banzai~

well, the only gd thg that'l come out of tmr's i'l just die of over-excitement-cum-happiness =DDD plus dicks will be transferin more je stuffs to me.. gosh, am i lookin forward to tmr, work's gone be fine yea? ganbarimasu! x)) all i can think of is the satisfaction i'd get from all that spendin tmr! and the time we're gon spend tgd!!!

yes, of cos there will be the lil small talks on dramas =DD jdrama to be exact. i really LOVEEEE the emphasis they place on friendship work and family. of cos they have their romance but they alws seem to show that it is not evrythg. portrayin that no man's an island, w/o friend, you cant and there is no meanin to bein world's no. 1! ;)

mayb it is the gettin on of age (does it sound wrong?), it seems that i am placin much more importance on friendship. i am no longer forgettin abt ppl whom i was once close to. we may not be able to be as close as before but i make it a point to keep them close to my heart.

i read dick's entry this evenin: (sorry if it's gon be difficult to read but i just thot this colour is aptly and dicks, if you cant read it, it is from your blog anw! so read from your own. didnt forget abt you my 'blind' friend)

i will love u guys, even aft we grad.. even aft we hv our own boyfriends and husbands and kids. not forgetting my dearest pk. my times and years spent with you have been..~~long...~~ special (: and i trust they will cont to be!

this i promise you.
we came a long way to whr we are now, different members gettin closer. each member gettin more involved (esp me!). evn increasin our strength, namely laymong and mr maozee (not my fault but i really dont knoe his name). wait, is mr maozee, mingjie or sth? rarr!` yall are namin too many of your ntu friends in my presence i really cant differentiate xD

well, all i can say is, i want us to be closer if not the same. like the cedar cheer (it just popped up in my brain, and want to be posted on blog)

we are united, we shall not be moved x2
like the trees that are planted by the waterside,
we shall not be moved.
we are from ~~cedar~~ berlin, we shall not be moved x2
like the trees that are planted by the waterside,
we shall not be moved.

ok, somehow the cheer sounds wrong, mayb i rmbed it wrongly somewhr but yet, thats my point.

i enjoy how me and maozee are talkin more than before, mayb w/in this yr, we talked more than we did in the first 3yrs! no shit! serious! me and hip's smses are alot more now, tho i think we can still work on it. partner and me.. close but not close, confusin. hehehe! but it is the table-partnership bond that settles evrythg. anw partner, boo means fat in jap! xP hway, hmm we fool ard tgt alot but close.. hwayy! must get closer lei! try, we clique thru sports man! hahaha!me and lowell we were gd from before. pabs we were close from all that different cliques like supersupreme, manbang, etc. yeah, we were that ~~lame~~ young. it does scare me whn it dawns on me that cedar days were EONS ago.

honestly i am also real proud of how sporty bw is! i mean, from 2 red-x, 1 'super mario (rmb how i used to say boo runs like super mario durin novelty race?) and ONE maozee, thats like almost half of bw! yes, we were half inactive to ALL doin sports! how gd are we?! we are GOOD yo! but i am like in hibernatin stage alr. hahaha!

like i said before (and STILL repeatin), these friendships didnt come easy, it took alot, alot and i mean ALOT of efforts from evrybod tryin to hold this 'wall' tgd. the bricks bein the love that evry member is puttin forward. omg! i must be gettin old, serious this sounds like a baba's post. we're gon turn 20! how scary is that? we're in the middle of lookin young and lookin mature.

dicks, i so get you, i cant bear to think of myself in fbt whn i am 30. eeeeEEOOOOOOWWWWWCHHHHHH! i mean in others' eyes we are almost an adult but why do i still see us as.. TEENAGERS who've just started secondary school?! have yall ever seen seniors or just anybod older than us in this light (whn we were in sec school days)? like you look at the seniors and go, "hoi, so old alr.. grow up can? havin yall behave this way is a disturbance, yucks!" -shakes head- oh, i knoe maozee felt this way too cos i rmb us discussin abt it that day at the mrt stn..

ok, i JUST hafta end with this xP doesnt guys look the hottest whn they are playin instruments? MUSICAL instruments ;)

ok, anw as of tmr i shall try doin 'photoblog'. woohoo! excitin!

smiles x))

2008-03-06T20:27:00.002+08:00

tears of joy, i guess this is what they are called. it is a happy thg, is it not?
right, i am in the midst of my drama marathon and insistin on slpin late even tho i have work early the nxt morn. it is definitely obvious from the eyebags that are showin themselves!! yes!!! SHOWIN! scary.. i've never really seen my own eyebags! eyerings, yes but eyebags?! NO! fainted. hoho. i loved how the family factor is played much more than the love factor, infusin heterosexual love amidst the family warmth. on top of that, creatin a balance of evrythg. guys cryin, girls actin strong, etc. and dont i just love 'problem-solvers', is there even sucha word? it doesnt matter if it is a female or male solvin the prob (tho i'd greatly prefer a male, sexist! socio! bleah! =X hoho!) but it just feels wonderful watchin how they alws solve the prob and bring a smile to evrybod's face, sometimes coupled with tears of joy? :)
watchin drama without discernin if it can be a real-life situation, belivin that life can be great and workin hard would definitely result in something wonderful. well, it is true, isnt it? it's been some time since i put so much efforts into doin something and it definitely does feel great, the end result wasnt perfect but definitely worth it x))
yes, i am gettin there too, tho i have yet to decide whr the 'there' will be but, i'm on my way! x))))

ore-tachi

2008-03-05T21:42:00.003+08:00

new word of the day!
i was just thinkin abt how i kinda 'lost touch' with a friend.
we used to be pretty close, she brought joy durin the period whn i gotta face a new crowd, studied together, yada.. but i just couldnt stand how harsh she can be. she's really great to new ppl, well, at least those that she fancies but to closer friends, i cant say for sure. i tried puttin up with her tantrums and such. i understand her character and personality have to do with her family situation but.. be more considerate, at least to close ones? i didnt want to let go, i put let go of my pride and tried but well.. there's gotta be a limit :))
we are all tryin arent we? i guess we cant be like before, thgs changed, we changed, friends changed and if we cant clique after the change.. i think we just have to learn to let go isnt it?
if we can clique we'l seek fun tgd.

frustratin frustratin!!!

2008-03-04T19:55:00.002+08:00

this is frustratin! my hp's slide's cranky! it's not smooth at all, it gets stuck halfway. DAMNIT! now i gotta go get my slide fixed. i needa get my lappy fixed too. yucks.. now i am gon survive without both.. that really doesnt sound that great.
i shud send it for repair durin my childcare wk but i dont have the time now. rarr!`
i just want my slide to work smoother!!! mayb i shud change hp again but i hafnt really seen any nice ones and i really like this current one. sickenin!

cant put it to words

2008-03-04T16:27:00.002+08:00

got my work schedule
it'd be over soon baby!
daily dose of JE
not the same again
i am not the one not tryin
mayb tryin too hard's not the way
maximum effort put it
gotta be a limit
let it go
time to try, time to give up
try is not a gd work
call it an attempt
possessive
selfish
change layout of blog
too broad
change colour?
GREEN!
oku!
otaku
random word game
eito ranger
eito renja!
ABC

-end-

weighed dwn

2008-03-04T02:58:00.002+08:00

okke, i've decided! i am gon continue learnin my jap man. i finally managed to narrow down to TWO jap dictionaries and i think i shud be buyin them whn i collect my calendar. come to think of it i might as well just get the kino privilege card cos i'l definitely need it in time to come.
hols like this i really might as well continue learnin sth or i'l retreat into the cocoon mode again. ahhh!` dame desu yo! oh yes, i needa take a licence too.. damnit, i shud have taken it earlier. i was dumb enough to realise that i can just rent a car as long as i have my licence. sometimes i really cant believe how dumb i can be. moreover, i'd need the licence cos nxt cny i think my family cant squeeze into ONE cab anymore, i think the uncles'd all ignore my family or shoo us off. irritatin! if i can get my licence then we can at least rent a car and my family can risk gettin into an accident with me drivin.. i think i'm likely to just shut off in the midst of drivin, bagus!
ok, so now i got many thgs to do. my community work, tuition, jap, drivin. yes, i am so gon complete all. i hope you felt the sarcasm. hahaaa!
GANBARE! rawrrr!`

berlin day

2008-03-04T00:11:00.004+08:00

i love my berlinies! wahahahaa! we are mad but it is fun yo! this is like one of the bestest pics i can find with full berlinies. fine, we are short of our new members but gd enough! yeah, i love how we give each other space and stand by each other whether we agree or disagree with each other. whether it's God's blessin or fate, one word sums it all. THANKS! arigatou, HONTO arigatou. xiexie. terimakasih. ok, you see the effort in removing the spacin to make it one word?

anyhow, we are alws here 4 u! :))

thots runnin thru my brain

2008-03-01T01:10:00.002+08:00

i am thinkin..
dont wanna blog unless i am happy
at least blog less words whn i am not feelin as great
stereo
hooked
like how you inspired me
efforts
takin ppl for granted
hyped up
selfish
think of others
companionship
team spirit
otaku
strange
do i bother?
care enough?
is enough too much?

yeah, i blogged.

pokka's green tea!

2008-02-24T01:07:00.002+08:00

just a bottle of green tea (a big one at that =DD) and you got me smilin like a child. it felt kinda awkward to grin that way cos i kinda forgot how it felt to really smile like this. nevertheless, it really felt great to smile that way! xDDD

gayness amidst studies

2008-02-21T21:55:00.006+08:00

i swear i didnt cheat or do anythg, it is FATE! wahhaha! sounds damn gay.
i evn chose green instead of yellow. it is the colours of the rangers. if you knoe,you'l knoe what i mean. gosh, how shiok is this man. hoho! i did the quiz again and changed some of the answers. fickled as i am there were some questions whr i couldnt decided between both choices. durin the second try i chose the other options and guess who i got? I GOT RYO-CHAN AGAIN xP gay yo!

Who in Kanjani8 should be your boyfriend?

Nishikido Ryo.Congratulations, you will end up the housewife and baby-machine of Nishikido Ryo (because it's pretty much all he wants from a woman). But you're banging a hottie, so what do you care?
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but abit salahh ar.. me? housewife? at this point of time not very possible yet. well.. if it's for ryo-chan.. eh.. hahhaa! this is madness from studyin! yucks.

exam stress

2008-02-21T01:14:00.002+08:00

feelin damn down now and i just wanna scream a whole string of vulgarities but of cos it is not possible. tho i titled this as exam stress, i am only facin tests! mother cow!! i dare any of you to look down on the word tests. cos tests in poly is as gd as exams just that they've decided to be 'NICE' and call it tests so they can delude others!

hate the sucky feelin. i just wanna die. RAHHH!' feel like moshin or just jumpin along to rock music. this is what serious muggin do to you. come to think of it, it's a long time since i am so stressed over a paper, or actually evn botherin to sit down to study for it. the last time this happened was like.. mayb Os? ok, i mugged for my 1.5 promo but really not like that.. i realised all my studyin life i dont really mug, thats why i am so screwed. thanks. gahh!

i need a boyf!

2008-02-07T02:07:00.000+08:00

i ~~need~~ want a boyf! hahaha! the influence is TOO bad. wahahaa! i was readin sarah's blog and the part abt alvin's bday all was nice to read. i think our class shud organise more bday celebrations cos we are so cranky, i think evry celebration will be many fun with the class gettin closer =DD

but we really need more budget!! timmy can go collect many money from ppl then me and val can do the plannin! so fun! hehee! ok, i was semi-kiddin cos i think planners alws end up fillin the shortage.. not cool at all..

tmr i shall try to get the batt for the cam from dinny. if it goes smoothly, tmr i will be able to upload pics, hopefully it will be many. hehehe! lets hope new year will be less depressin!

Chinese New Year

2008-02-06T22:37:00.000+08:00

grandma seemed shorter than before. it definitely isnt because i grew. i see gramp more than once a year but it really doesnt mean anything because i see her less than 10times a year. it is no fault of the busy curriculum or whatsoever. it is just my refusal to visit because i hate to see my uncle and aunties. guilt took over me the instance i noticed how much she has aged.

the anxious and worried look on gramp's face, she tries to hide it but it is so prominent. she is real worried abt grandpa but she refuses to show it.. grandpa's in hosp again just like last eve. it is becoming like a neverending cycle. sometimes i just wonder if it is better to just let him leave in peace..

coincidentally all my gramps are very headstrong and stubborn ppl, this, i got it from them. these are virtues, as far as i choose to believe. it is also these virtues that makes me ponder if it is more painful for us to prolong their lives as it is hurtin their ego very badly..

i still rmb grandpa's face whn he was conscious after his op and being unable to control his body movements. that frustrations clearly written across his face, it was unforgettable and heartbreakin..

we were never close but to face the loss of somebody a part of my life is really scary. shud anythg happens, i will still cry secretly.. thats why i really dont have the courage to even think abt it.. to hide behind an unaffected mask is the last thg i wanna do again..

i have to admit that i actually care more than i appear to be..

but whom i am more concerned with is my maternal grandma. i'm just glad that haughty mama's still very much healthy.. tho not as mobile.. old age, it is scary..

deep inside i am sucha CNP. i may look and behave like some kendang but come new yr, tgd with friends like val, we can be DAMN bangdang! the family values, the tranditions, i really would love to carry them out. imagine waking up in the morning just to wish your grandparents good health, thats a blessing, isnt it?

OMG! imagine i date a CNP nxt time?! fainted! hahhaa! nahh, i'l date another kendang. hoho!

bcs tips

2008-02-04T20:49:00.001+08:00

alright people, this is what we managed to get from another class. no guarantee if it is useful, so refer at your own risk =))

hating

2008-02-03T22:43:00.000+08:00

to hate is the most tiring thg to me but it just wont stop me from doin so.
i hate cryin and being unable to stop.
i hate sittin there crying non-stop like a dumbass.
i hate you trying to act like you care whn you dont.
i hate you alws thinking that i am at fault.
i hate you for making me cry.
i hate you for being this unfair.
i hate myself for being this weak.
i hate not being able to cope alone but still insisting on acting strong.
i hate havin to smile in front of others whn i dont mean it.
i hate not having my best friends ard whn i just feel like breaking dwn.
i hate having to pretend ok in front of best friends.
i hate being taken advantage of whn i am nice to others.
i hate treating others nicely whn they dont evn deserve it.
i hate insensitive ppl.
i hate having to be nice.
i hate losing.
i hate being this childish.
and i hate idiots who will be dumb enough to ask me what is this blog post all about.

rome and weipeng's farewell..

2008-02-01T23:12:00.000+08:00

ok, i dont care that i have socio test. i am still gon blog this. i LOVEEEEEE my friends, as in the old ones that i made. they really brighten my days to bits... this is gon sound gay but they are like sunshine =DD
managed to meet up with kerr and pei today. we had some sort of gathering at kor's. sorry, i gotta leave early but socio test is being a bitch yo. gotta say today totally ended well tho the beginnin was... sucky. hoho. anw accordin to kerr i alws say that whn we have gatherings like this. that i love that kinda friendship kor and his buddies has. serious what. they've been close for so long and i really knoe it takes MANY efforts to really meet up like that.. you get what i mean?
but today's meetup wasnt for a gd cause. it is the farewell for jerome and weipeng. cos they are leavin spore and stupid jerome is not evn comin back. dang! one less person to talk to whn i needa do serious thinkin. hehee! i guess he'l fly back often? he better man.
cant say how much i love these. shall continue whn kerr sends me the pics. love all. OUT! hahaha!

am i really suitable

2008-01-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

am i really suitable for this line? at this point of time, is it too late to turn back? over this period of time i changed and sadly it was for the worse. i wasnt as strong to cope with the politics.. i understand that i shud expect many politics in this industry and i shudnt evn think of making friends in this line..

yet it is still scary talking to darddy abt it.. my fam's like rather involved in this hotel line and it is just not great to listen abt it. we were just watching some drama on hotel politics and i meant it whn i said it is too suffocating to watch, i hated the politics.. it is too tiring.. darddy gave me a stern lecture, saying that if i want to go into industry, i must be prepared. it will be an evryday affair, he was using his friend being sack as an eg. it came so sudden without any warning. this, he said is what hotel industry is all abt.. thanks ar, dadd..

i dont rmb whn i started becomin so weak, i alws thot i was much stronger. maybe i needa become stronger again? can i survive if i just wanna be myself? all these sucks and i am ONLY yr 1!

stupid piggo's bday!

2008-01-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 19th PIGGO!

ahpek 'slpin by the road'
2semi-drunk and 1 never sane (guess which)
acting guai durin projwork [listenin to music instead!]

yes yes, it's your jersey no. but 19's a ncie no. cos there's 9 and 1! wahahhaa! enjoy tmr!! you better man, we spent quite abit, be it in terms of the finance or thots. sure gon be enjoyable! =DD anw after today GROW UP ok?! xP

pissed

2008-01-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

i just completed my quiz 4. i would have done better if i didnt refer to book and just tikamed. i actually did worse referin to bk. wtf. rahh!' just in a damn pissed mood now, thanks to my stupid parents. they go on bein irritatin, i'd just skip new year. bloody cows.

being honest to oneself

2008-01-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

my date for the day:

i wanted to blog so much on my way home but honestly i am tryin to rmb as much as possible.. ok, lets start from the morn.. was late so i kinda had to run ALL the way up to 5th floor. dang! my stamina like puddin like that now.. i guess i went in a lil pale cos with all that runnin, i am just grateful i didnt just fall off those stairs, they aint too easy to run up, boy.

went to class, then was thinkin abt proj, esp ob and commskills today, plus micro, evrythg just felt screwed. i mean, as much it is a grp member's fault, i was thinkin mayb i shud have done more and even do more of her part. so the best thg was i just started cryin. i didnt like bawl in class but just rushed out the moment i felt tears wellin up. i guess i scared rozario off a lil cos i just sddnly walked up to him and asked for permission to get out. i thot he didnt notice anythg but was just too caught up with his explanation thus his stunned expression.

so i just stayed in the toilet and cried my heart out. it really felt great after that.. i mean, we all need the grades to pass, it is no one person thg. i am just sick of all the arguments and the whatsoever. the lack of slp, the broken promises, the lies... i am really in no state to take any of these, i am near breakdown.

i kinda hate myself now, why am i so frustrated for certain proj, esp micro, who do i bother to get so pissed off. i alws rmb myself as the one heckin and handin my work up on time and ignorin evrythg else, i hate the stress, i cant handle it well and it is crashin on me. mayb it'd have been better with it been individual proj..

anw i returned to the class and we kinda celebrated pearl's bday. sorry girl, i cant sing you the cedar bday song.. sing here can? =))

happy birthday to you

happy birthday happy birthday

happy birthday to you!

祝你生日快乐

祝你生日快乐
祝你生日快乐

祝你生日快乐

selamat hari jadi

lalalalalala

lalalalalalala

lalalalalala!!!!

yeah!!!!

it's been a longgggg time man!

anw after that still wasnt feelin too great but it really doesnt matter does it? did i mention rozario was damn nice? after class he called me to ask if i am ok, that was whn i realised he saw me cryin! i thot it wasnt obvious behind the cpecs, plus i was tryin to cover up.. i guess he is a nice tutor but just failed to impress his students..

after that rushed to do ob again. alvin was pretty pissed and it was really scary. today was one of the rare days that both me and b both didnt have money due to very stupid reasons. she cabbed to school so all she had left was like, what, 1 dollar? i didnt even have a single cent! because the genius decided to be different today, she saved her whole proj in her precious thumbdrive. together with her $$$, she put them into her pretty pink pouch. then? THEN she forgot to bring it! BAGUS! genius in the makin, rocket scientist...

so like for the FIRST time, ok, mayb not first but just hilarious to have alvin lend both of us money. he edited ob and he had to rush to his sis's ROM, how cool's that?! gettin married at 25! ideal age! and me and b got into a whole bimbotic marriage love and partner convo AGAIN! we've been doin that alot lately and i've gotta admit that twas fun. hehehe!

then twas rushin of ob. celine was freakin funny but lucky for us, if she wasnt there we'd die of pissdom. din came to help too, and cos of that he didnt make it in time for his test! =X sorry! and whn he called i couldnt really talk to him cos i was RUNNIN to all ard to piece our ob tgd.

why isit that all i've done today was run. sounds familiar uh?! twas a line from proposal daisakusen..

the punishment for not exercisin all these times caught up with me today. cos we had no guys ard I had to run! mother cow, i nearly dieded from it.. ran FIVE flights of stairs up to level 6 and had to run ard lookin for the room. SUCKS!

after that i skipped tuition and hafi replaced me. we were intendin to go to kelly's hse to do bcs but we forgot that they had CYA! dorkish! so i still skipped tuition and hafi had a go with tuitionin since we were just talkin before that and she was sayin she wanted the extra cash, so tada! it turns out that she enjoyed herself durin the tuition cos the time passed fast BUT she wanted to kill the boy in class. LOL. boys... hahaha!

town with b, i swear today felt great. somehow there were no arguments, the clothes we looked at generally coincide and our mindsets similar. i loved how we were discussin why singapore cannot afford to have nightlife.

we managed to get what we went to town for, pretty pleased with it =DD fun and b's mommy's helpin us with it i guess. pls, the thg's too hot for the owner-to-be can?! and we found a potential shop to shop for clothese for the boyfriends. hahaa! spent many many and b's broke.. OOPS!

OH! and did i say i got dealt with quadriple blows today? what a bad day.. but i cant rmb what were they and even if i cant i cant elaborate here. alright, i really dont wanna continue now, it is a long enough entry..

i think i am weird, i am super uncomfy with double datin! cos i was lookin at sep and bj today and i got reminded of sheer and nad, me and hafiz.. damn.. half the time me and hafiz were like tellin each other, hoi, faster chao cancan?! hahaa! *shruggs. too bad i am weird.

oh oh OH! cos val was sayin she wanted to date a guy with blonde armpit hair, meanin he's angmoh la! i saw this angmoh near my area and he was holdin hands with this chinese girl. she was of a small build but the way she walks, TEROK sia! she kinda swaggers if you get what i mean. fine, i'm being bitchy here.

just a random question.. can cracks be mended? and if so, will it still be the same? can we really cover the signs of that crack? it is the same with human relationship. i realised i am not somebody who would put in effort for a friendship. in fact, i give up too easily.. it is just cos of the fact that i am afraid of gettin hurt. i am far too protective of myself such that i wont allow the slightest possibility of hurtin myself. this is also the case in relationship for me.. this feels really stupid..

okok! ended! maomao!!! read and you can comment. wahahhaa! anw this is my maomao!!!